This is a great piece. You really dove deeper into the story and made us feel like we were in the moment where as I barely scratched the surface. I hope this comment and this love will make you continue to write because I really want to read more. I feel honored to have this story sprouted from mine.
Did you write this poem at the birthday party, or for it? Did your friend actually die, or was it just a feeling. If it was just a feeling, I might be able to relate. Most of the time, when I go to any kind of party, I only go so I don't feel left out, but when I'm there, I feel awkward.
I really like the poem, though. it's very interesting.
I really like how you keep saying, "darling." It sort of brings the poem back to a place, then goes off in another direction. I also really like the descriptions. Nice work!
I think I understand this poem, like when you say, falling through my teeth like diamonds, I think that might mean that the words are just pouring out of your mouth. The lines about the leather jacket reflecting makes sense if you think of it as a metaphor, meaning, the way he/she is dressed or holding him/herself reminds you of fire in some way. Also, sometimes faux leather does have a little bit of a reflective/shiny quality to it.
I think this poem is very beautiful, with all the metaphors and similes. Really good work, though I saw that you re=posted an edited and titled version, and I do like that one better. But they are both beautiful.
Thank you guys for supporting me in this I just feel that chat is a gift and people are taking it and using it so derail other peoples learning and writing time.
This writing is spectacular!!! I truly want to continue reading and I can't wait until you post the next chapter... you are a very talented writer and I wouldn't be surprised if this became a published book some day! :)
Do whatever your heart thinks is the best wont hurt feelings but do what you think I read yours because I think they are very powerful, exiting , and there you
Thanks for the feedback! Still working on the longer poem and having a terrible time writing! What the heck?? And have fun quoting the line! That really means alot to me. :)
Enough said. It's more harmful than helpful to those who love writing and need them not to message them every five seconds just to make them irritated.
I feel the same way also. I like to use chat in my free-time to talk AND write, but its not okay if people use it like that. Thanks for putting that out there; it doesn't get said enough.
I suppose it is! after all it is a memoir ;) Ill be sure to post the rest when i finish!
Wonderful story. So real and... emotional. Great piece, Sepheria. You should write more like this; I like it a lot.
I wrote this at her birthday party, yes. And though I agree that I normally do feel kinda awkard at parties, this was just written for fun.
Thanks very much! I'm glad you liked it. I will definitely continue to write.
This is a great piece. You really dove deeper into the story and made us feel like we were in the moment where as I barely scratched the surface. I hope this comment and this love will make you continue to write because I really want to read more. I feel honored to have this story sprouted from mine.
J.L.B
Thanks you are too (;
Maybe that one thing is writing. Your really good, and I don't think people hate you OR use you.
Did you write this poem at the birthday party, or for it? Did your friend actually die, or was it just a feeling. If it was just a feeling, I might be able to relate. Most of the time, when I go to any kind of party, I only go so I don't feel left out, but when I'm there, I feel awkward.
I really like the poem, though. it's very interesting.
"What the heck?" Was that aimed at me? I don't get it...
I really like how you keep saying, "darling." It sort of brings the poem back to a place, then goes off in another direction. I also really like the descriptions. Nice work!
I think I understand this poem, like when you say, falling through my teeth like diamonds, I think that might mean that the words are just pouring out of your mouth. The lines about the leather jacket reflecting makes sense if you think of it as a metaphor, meaning, the way he/she is dressed or holding him/herself reminds you of fire in some way. Also, sometimes faux leather does have a little bit of a reflective/shiny quality to it.
I think this poem is very beautiful, with all the metaphors and similes. Really good work, though I saw that you re=posted an edited and titled version, and I do like that one better. But they are both beautiful.
Thank you guys for supporting me in this I just feel that chat is a gift and people are taking it and using it so derail other peoples learning and writing time.
This writing is spectacular!!! I truly want to continue reading and I can't wait until you post the next chapter... you are a very talented writer and I wouldn't be surprised if this became a published book some day! :)
Do whatever your heart thinks is the best wont hurt feelings but do what you think I read yours because I think they are very powerful, exiting , and there you
:o! Thank you! I try and make them interesting. Would you like me to read some of yours?
Exactly, I feel the same way and I loved your stories you wrote very hard core powerful. (;
Exactly! It's one thing if you talk for 5 minutes then turn off chat, but its another to only come on to chat and/or bug people with it.
I really love this. Its short, honest, raw and in a strange way beautiful. Nice work.
Thanks for the feedback! Still working on the longer poem and having a terrible time writing! What the heck?? And have fun quoting the line! That really means alot to me. :)
Enough said. It's more harmful than helpful to those who love writing and need them not to message them every five seconds just to make them irritated.
I feel the same way also. I like to use chat in my free-time to talk AND write, but its not okay if people use it like that. Thanks for putting that out there; it doesn't get said enough.
So true.. I feel the same way. They abuse our writing time which is important to you.
You're welcome! That sounds great! :)
Thank you! I'll post some more as soon as I get some time! I can't wait to check out your work. :)
Ciel in the Sky Mortal,
I am heppy that you got the title, I was not sure if people were going to get it!!!!! Thanks for readin it!
Daphieduck