
Writing

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I think
I think you make me really happy
I think it’s sort of all-consuming
I think I want to be with you every second
Of every day
I think maybe what keeps me up at night
Is replaying you
Replaying us
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Together
You’re different
With all of us
Versus just me.
You’re different
With a whole crazy friend group
Than you are when it’s us chilling in your basement watching Stranger Things -
People
People want things from me
This incredible group of people
They want me to mediate
To laugh
To help them with x, y, and z
They want me to come with them
Pulling me in different directions constantly
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Ad Astra
Ad astra
Latin for to the stars
something that we've never done yet
but we've gone near.
We've never gone to the stars
we've reached the not-quite-emptiness that surrounds them.
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Anticipating
I don't know what this is
whether it's summer really sinking in
or if it's something else
something more
something worse.
I don't want to turn into this
a puddle of negative feelings and boredom.
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Self-conscious and self-judgmental
Everyone always thinks that people act a certain way to please the people around them
to code switch to what everyone else would want
to blend in
and that's what I do, too
except most of what I do