Drowning

I’m drowning 
Sinking in my own emotions
Waves crash over me again and again
The waves of sadness, guilt, fear
It’s too much
I can’t breathe
I’m supposed to be swimming 
But what if it’s easier to sink
To just stop fighting
What if I don’t want to get better?
I’m not ready to say goodbye to my disease 
I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready
So I’ll keep drowning
Letting the water pull me down a little bit more each time
I’m sorry 
I wish I could be better
But at the same time
I know that’s a lie