sanity is dead

sanity is dead
hell's waves rocked her to sleep and I'm sure
it couldn't have been peaceful
the ocean was caught in the throws of the storm
a child caught in a lie
helpless
as I held her down and covered her face with my pillow
The water crashing againt rocks
her body, struggling for air and my hand

why are you out at sea instead of here?
with me?

Sanity, my lovely Sanity, I am so sorry
this happened to you

I am so sorry your feet stumbled over the jagged rocks jutting from the water
that your broken hands could not catch you,
and instead tore open, your blood hot and heavy
a pulse in your ears, your screams in your throat
your screams into the pillow

my fingernails are dirty
why are they dirty?
I don't remember digging your grave but the image of you in the ground is my brains lockscreen
the first thing I see when I open my eyes
the first thing I see when I close them

Your cool hands on my neck
your hot breath in my ear
your blood on my pillow

why is there blood on my pillow?