Aug 10

49 flames.

It is sometimes that i realize how much 

I love him

Like when I am supposed to be 


But instead i am lying awake listening

To him bustle about 

The kitchen underneath 


And i catch 

A small smile 

Tugging at me 

As he hums—

albeit off key—

a tune that i once sung to him. 

Or when i am in the car and 

I can feel his voice vibrating in

The leather seats as 

We swerve down the road. 

(his hands never were steady.) 

it comes to me when i embrace him, 

inhaling the smell of coffee beans and lost sleep lingering on his cotton shirt. 

It’s when i daydream of when i used to beg to ride on his shoulders, and when i cry silently when he seems lost in his own 




But i know no feeling like the one 

When he laughs so hard,

his eyes crinkle and 

His breath comes out in


like he’s trying to remember the feeling,

Tucking it away for a rainy day. 

Just as i tuck away the notion that

One day i won’t 

Have him next to me,


right now he is next to me. 
49 flames reflecting in his brown eyes 

And that is what counts.