my future

all my life, 
i’ve dreamt of leaving,
of getting out
of here
and leaving my past behind,
putting distance between it
and myself

so what hurts the most
about not leaving
is not that i’m unable to,
though i don't have enough money
to go nearly as far as i'd wished

it’s not that i’ll stay here
in one place
forever,
unchanging
and unchanged,
a betrayal to my younger self,
who would hate me for what 
i’m about to do

it’s not even that i worry
i’ll never amount to what i could
what i should
if i stay here

it’s that i don’t want to leave
and i should
i should want to leave so badly but i just 
can’t bring myself to

i can’t but it feels like i should

 
E

Emerson.K

VT

YWP Alumni

More by Emerson.K

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  • Poetry

    By Emerson.K

    Changed

    I stood in front of the window 
    for two hours, yesterday.  
    There used to be a beanbag chair 
    where the bookcase is,
    and I could sit there
    watching the street through the screen

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  • Poetry

    By Emerson.K

    Illuminate


    I pretend that I can feel
    the heat of the sparkler in my hand
    even though the flame is six inches away. 
    I run from the doorway 
    into the backyard, 
    quickly, 
    but the light is gone before I'm even 

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  • Poetry

    By Emerson.K

    From Above

    If only I could reach 

    a little farther,

    then maybe I could reach

    the bottle of water just beyond the ledge. 

    But I’m not tall and I don't have long arms, 

    not like Adam, 

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