Posts
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Falling in love
The first thing I ever understood about falling in love
is that it keeps you coming back
like magnets
whether it's good for you or bad for you
you're addicted.
And I didn't know the scope of it -
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New Year
New year's resolutions.
I tell myself a lot of things every year -
I never listen.
No boys, no distractions.
Too late.
This time is different I think -
I want that senior solo
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Band room
Chairs
straightbacked for posture perfection
in neat rows
arranged up each step of the staggered blue-carpeted levels
sneakers and boots rooted
to the tiled floor
gray speckled white
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"Holiday spirit"
Everyone's playing Christmas music
Christmas movies
break is in two weeks
we're already preparing our favorite meals.
And I'm lost.
Not good lost,
not lost in the holiday cheer -
I'm just depressed.
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Hopelessly
I've never understood the phrase
hopelessly in love.
It's in all the books,
it's on TV.
Characters meet their special someone and bam
they're free falling
but they have their safety nets
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you
you make me feel like
it's okay
everything is fine
when i'm freaking out
when i'm nervous or scared or feel like i did horribly
you're always there.
you try to call even if you're too busy to
Loves
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Shedding our skin
It's December already
I've been alive for over thirteen years
over thirteen years of learning and growing
making mistakes and accomplishing feats
of finding myself and uncovering layers in not only myself
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transcendence
The cymbals clashed. The audience erupted. The lights flipped on. And then, it was time for us. Time for the dozens of hours we had spent practicing to pay off in three minutes.
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Quiet heartaches
I thought you didn’t care.
You laughed the same with everyone,
spoke easily,
walked away like nothing stayed behind.
So I told myself
I was imagining it—
the way your eyes lingered
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Best friend
Your new-ish house
your dog sleeping on the rug
my family and your family chatting comfortably
your kitchen with your hot chocolate
the fun spinny stools at the kitchen island
that's one of my happy places
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Acceptance
When we see flaws in ourselves
we withdraw from society
curl in on ourselves
trying to hide from our insecurities.
The thing is
people struggle to understand
that their faults are a part of themselves
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behind the screen
this happens too often:
attachment to that one friend;
a text—a hey—oh look,
i'm crying again.
you read it but you don't respond,
you play your games instead;