QueenBee

New year's resolutions.

I tell myself a lot of things every year -

I never listen.

No boys, no distractions.

Too late.

This time is different I think -

I want that senior solo

Chairs

straightbacked for posture perfection

in neat rows

arranged up each step of the staggered blue-carpeted levels

sneakers and boots rooted

to the tiled floor

gray speckled white

Everyone's playing Christmas music

Christmas movies

break is in two weeks

we're already preparing our favorite meals.

And I'm lost.

Not good lost,

not lost in the holiday cheer -

I'm just depressed.

I've never understood the phrase

hopelessly in love.

It's in all the books,

it's on TV.

Characters meet their special someone and bam

they're free falling

but they have their safety nets

you make me feel like

it's okay

everything is fine

when i'm freaking out

when i'm nervous or scared or feel like i did horribly

you're always there.

you try to call even if you're too busy to

Wordless.

Stage lights sparkling on my skin

descending down steps for performers

for the people before me

people who take great joy in what we do.

A day of rehearsal

listening