express yourself

Recent Comments

  • Reply to: The Orchestra   Tuesday, September 26, 2017 - 5:46am
    Comment Author:

    I've been digging through some of my poetry so I can post it here- This poem being about summer turning to fall makes it seem right to post it now.

  • Reply to: A Fall Day   Tuesday, September 26, 2017 - 3:46am
    Comment Author:

    Autumn is my favorite season in Vermont- and each year it feels like a gift to be able to smell the falling leaves and hear the wind singing- I think much of my poetry has to do with the fall. In the autumn it feels even a fantastical fairy tale might be happening right outside your window.
    I love the fall!

  • Reply to: Ours Struggles and Our Future   Tuesday, September 26, 2017 - 3:41am
    Comment Author:

    I wrote this in a not very good mood- but I every time I read it I see my beliefs shown true, and so I keep it as it is- a little angry- a little gloomy- but in my eyes accurate.

  • Reply to: Alarm Clock   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 10:24pm
    Comment Author:

    I like this one. I noticed it kind of describes a routine.

  • Reply to: Queen of Denial   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 9:50pm
    Comment Author:

    Thank you so much, Geoff. Sometimes it's nice to know that I might actually be improving and that I'm not just spitting all this gibberish for no reason. YWP has undoubtedly fostered me as a writer over the years and I am so glad I'm still here five years later.

  • Reply to: help me   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 7:48pm
    Comment Author:

    I love how you played with the format, starting out traditionally, then becoming progressively more disjointed (in a good way). I would suggest keeping words generally on the same line until the very end; for "hands trembling" I think it was a little bit too fractured. Otherwise, I think the pauses created while decifering the scrambled text really added to the piece.

  • Reply to: The Ogdoad of Hard'ack   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 7:26pm
    Comment Author:

    I absolutely will, thank you!!

  • Reply to: Different   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 7:08pm
    Comment Author:

    The reversed-cliches (anticliches?) in this poem are really cool! For the second one, I think rewording it slightly, such as "a piece of straw in a needle case" would still keep the opposites while preserving the rhythm.

    I also really like the opening lines "You and I are tangled up like the headphones in my pocket". I think for the next couple lines if you specified what/why time is running out (for) it would add to the personal element of this piece.

  • Reply to: Eclipsed   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 5:57pm
    Comment Author:

    Thank you! I wish I had enough musical talent to write songs. Unfortunately I am quite tone deaf :( Alas! But thank you so much.

  • Reply to: Thoughts of a Waking Hour   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 5:29pm
    Comment Author:

    What a universal question you bring out in a simple, daily routine. I am recommending this for publication so have made some proofreading changes. To view changes, select Revisions.

  • Reply to: Dusk and Dawn   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 5:22pm
    Comment Author:

    I like the way that you weave being cloaked in your dreams with fighting consciousness. I am recommending this for publication so have made some proofreading changes. To view changes, select Revisions. The final word is so appropriate, but I defer to our editor as to whether she will include that or not if this is published.

  • Reply to: Dream   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 5:16pm
    Comment Author:

    I like the little clues that you use to build up to the twist at the end. I am recommending this for publication so have made some proofreading changes. To view changes, select Revisions.

  • Reply to: Snooze   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 5:11pm
    Comment Author:

    You recreate that feeling of wanting to resist waking up to in order to tuck back into your dreams. I am recommending this for publication so have made some proofreading changes. To view changes, select Revisions.

  • Reply to: Tired   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 5:05pm
    Comment Author:

    This made me feel the weight of trying to face another day. I have made some proofreading changes since I am recommending this for publication. To view changes, select Revisions.

  • Reply to: Daily War   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 4:53pm
    Comment Author:

    You make me experience the fog of first awaking. I concur with the other two comments, and with that said, I have edited this so that it is all in present tense, which makes it read more vividly. I am recommending this for publication, so hence, the tense corrections. To view changes, select Revisions.

  • Reply to: Queen of Denial   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 2:49pm
    Comment Author:

    Firegirl,

    I do so love this piece and love how much power you bring to the sound -- and visual elements.

    I did a tweak on this. I uploaded the art and audio via the ADD MEDIA button. I had forgotten that I had fixed the "audio upload" so that it now takes m4a sound files.

    It is amazing, if you will permit me to look backward a bit, to see how far you've come, how much deeper and more powerful and more complex your thinking has become in the time that we've known you.

    Thank you for all that you do.

    gg

  • Reply to: Growing Up   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 1:31pm
    Comment Author:

    When I said school keeps getting harder, I meant math!!!!

  • Reply to: Why I Hate Middle School   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 1:20pm
    Comment Author:

    You have a very strong voice in this piece and you're very funny too because of how honest you are and very specific in putting up details. For example, "No, not another G rated school play." it's really great.

  • Reply to: The Ogdoad of Hard'ack   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 1:03pm
    Comment Author:

    Wow! You language is perfect for the descriptions you write. You're putting beautiful pictures in our heads and allowing us to really SEE the people and place you wrote about. We also get to know the nature of these gods, how connected they are to the world around them. Wonderfully done, keep writing!

  • Reply to: before i grew up too much, this was me   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 12:55pm
    Comment Author:

    This is the kind of piece that makes a person reevaluate who they grew up to be, and ponder how they might change that. You did a wonderful job describing the thrill brought by both books and TV, and capturing exactly how you felt during times of intense emotion. Well done!

  • Reply to: Home   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 12:39pm
    Comment Author:

    I love to see the honesty and love for the state of Vermont as a home to you. I love how you put tiny details that have clear and vivid images on every single lines. It's great how you connect it to the people around you as well, your family and friends. I think the most powerful part of this poem would be on the 7th line when you said ". . .where everyone is accepted no matter who they are, where our love for our people outweighs the human race's hatred for those who are different." It creates huge statement of openness character of the place. And the repetition also works very well! It connects with each details that adds emphasis on your love why Vermont is home for you. Great work!

  • Reply to: One Year   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 12:37pm
    Comment Author:

    This is incredible. The heartbreak and pain are evident even through a screen, and your consistent use of statistics in the first two stanzas works well. The last line is a great show of the strength you went through in that one year. Keep writing!

  • Reply to: Thankful   Monday, September 25, 2017 - 10:41am
    Comment Author:

    Thank you! I really appreciate feedback.

  • Reply to: Thankful   Sunday, September 24, 2017 - 10:20pm
    Comment Author:

    This is a really good reminder to appreciate what we have. I especially liked the lines "those on the opposite side of the planet, or the opposite side of the street".

  • Reply to: It Was Already 6:30 AM   Sunday, September 24, 2017 - 4:12pm
    Comment Author:

    thanks so much!