Recent Comments

  • Reply to: Fleeting Sunset   Saturday, September 22, 2018 - 3:19pm
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    Your imagery in this poem is awesome! I love how you refer to the sky as crawling, it gives the reader an ominous feeling. In the second to last line, you refer to "them". I was wondering what that refers to, are you talking about your bones? The person mentioned at the beginning? Some clarity would be awesome. Thanks for sharing!

  • Reply to: Sunshine Riptide   Friday, September 21, 2018 - 5:26pm
    Comment Author:

    Thank you so much for your feedback! I will be sure to work on adding more detail into my future stories.

  • Reply to: My Dad Is A Man   Friday, September 21, 2018 - 1:19pm
    Comment Author:

    There was such a great element of mystery in this. I couldn't stop reading - you made me feel very eager to get to the bottom of it! The use of red herrings was clever in setting it all up, because the reader cannot help but think, first, that the father is cheating, and then (as you point out) that he's likely stealing medicines to sell illegally.

    Tweaking your paragraph structure might help the pace of the piece. It felt to me a little rushed, without quite enough pauses and breaks. Or maybe that was to increase the whirlwind sense of confusion as the narrator attempts to put all the pieces together?

  • Reply to: My Dad Is A Man   Friday, September 21, 2018 - 12:07pm
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    Da Quinstah - before I read and comment on your piece, I just wanted to mention that there much have been some kind of glitch during the posting process. This story's been posted several times in a row, so I'm going to go ahead and delete the others. That way if you receive more comments or likes, they will not be spread across several postings of the same piece.

    Will report back soon with my thoughts!

  • Reply to: Sunshine Riptide   Friday, September 21, 2018 - 12:03pm
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    Woah - such immersive writing here. You did a great job of establishing both setting and character, and it wasn't difficult for me to be lost in this short tale. The exploration of human emotion went beyond grief, which was surprising - it was touching (and not in any kind of cheesy way) to read of Edmond at the end, moving past his sadness to find joy and appreciation for the memories he would always carry with him.

    My only criticism relates to the mention of murder. It's not that I think that detail shouldn't be included, but another line or two of explanation/back story would help bring the piece together. At the end I still had questions floating around in my mind about the Who and the Why, which was a minor distraction for me.

  • Reply to: His World   Friday, September 21, 2018 - 11:58am
    Comment Author:

    This story is sad and great at the same time.

  • Reply to: My Life After That Day (Part 1)   Friday, September 21, 2018 - 10:57am
    Comment Author:

    OOOOOOF

  • Reply to: A Musing   Friday, September 21, 2018 - 7:14am
    Comment Author:

    Thanks for taking the time to write the feedback! I went back through and edited-- better?
    Also, I'm glad you enjoyed my piece!

  • Reply to: Villanelle for the human condition   Thursday, September 20, 2018 - 11:00pm
    Comment Author:

    So nice to bump into your poetry again. I can imagine you speaking this. Have you thought of using audio record and putting it to your voice? Or bringing it to a slam?

    Nicely done.
    gg

  • Reply to: Freeze   Thursday, September 20, 2018 - 10:57pm
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    It is a wonder, isn't it, what gets us afraid, or what bothers us or nags at us. I can relate to this. You helped me imagine it. And you made me feel your fear.

    best,
    gg

  • Reply to: Mama, Look up   Thursday, September 20, 2018 - 10:53pm
    Comment Author:

    This is imaginative and powerful. I hope you didn't mind my putting your narration with it.

    What I like most about this is how it takes me so deep in, there is a novel in here, a story with many tendrils.

    Thanks so much.

  • Reply to: But What of the Afterlife?   Thursday, September 20, 2018 - 10:43pm
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    Mag_flower:delightful. Love this. As I noted in the annotation (yellow mark) I loved the timing of your turn. Made me laugh out loud.

    Well done.

  • Reply to: A Musing   Thursday, September 20, 2018 - 10:39pm
    Comment Author:

    Nean_Bean-Love this. First as a poem... The thoughts, images, flow work well. I think it would be cool to see if you could match more closely the poem around the rhythm of your first stanza. I think that would involve simplifying the lines, removing a few unnecessary words or doing it in fewer syllables. ... As a side note, I loved your use of the word "raucous" though I do hope it was intended and not a confusion with ruckus.

    But what great thoughts to share with us, words to act by, words to carry with us. And I agree, let's do that!

    Thanks so much for sharing this.

    gg

  • Reply to: creature   Thursday, September 20, 2018 - 8:59pm
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    This is a wonderful poem! It's short and simple, and yet each line has so much power and truth behind it. It's definitely one worth reading more than once.
    Bravo!

  • Reply to: creature   Thursday, September 20, 2018 - 12:45pm
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    This was great! I love the repetition and the details that come after. Great job, Shannon :)

  • Reply to: Hope   Thursday, September 20, 2018 - 10:32am
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    Hey girl heeeeeyyyyyyyy

  • Reply to: Hope   Thursday, September 20, 2018 - 10:31am
    Comment Author:

    Hey Girl Hey!!!!!

  • Reply to: Just a Little Upstream   Thursday, September 20, 2018 - 9:17am
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    just read through, all looks good! THANK YOU!!!!!

  • Reply to: Just a Little Upstream   Thursday, September 20, 2018 - 6:00am
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    Lilak1, this poem really got me. It is melancholy and wistful in the best way -- not at all overdone, but quietly conveying the depth of your loss. I love the way you describe your connection to the stream -- watching a rosebud float away -- and how lonely that feels without your companion. The title and your ending are beautiful. I made a couple little edits for clarity -- please check that I haven't misinterpreted anything. If I have, let me know! This is today's Daily Read. Well done!

  • Reply to: Fair Weather   Wednesday, September 19, 2018 - 8:32am
    Comment Author:

    While this is a love sonnet of sorts, I took the liberty of sprouting off your images.

    Nicely done, as always. And I do hope that the person remembers.

    gg

  • Reply to: Exploring Jeju Island   Tuesday, September 18, 2018 - 4:07pm
    Comment Author:

    Sorry, the picture cropped when I uploaded it.

  • Reply to: Unpopular Opinion   Tuesday, September 18, 2018 - 10:46am
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    This completely caught me off guard and I enjoyed every minute of it. Thank you for posting this, it really said what some people are thinking.

  • Reply to: Steel Hearts   Tuesday, September 18, 2018 - 7:40am
    Comment Author:

    Thank you! I'm so happy that you like my poem.

  • Reply to: Welcome   Monday, September 17, 2018 - 6:12pm
    Comment Author:

    thank you! <3

  • Reply to: Welcome   Monday, September 17, 2018 - 6:01pm
    Comment Author:

    love the alliteration!