such a scary thing

to love so deeply and to know 

that you cannot even hate how it hurts to lose it

 if you know you will find it again, because i 

do, i

crave it, i miss it, i miss it so hard it hurts and i am 

desperate for another taste

of the wind, of sweat dripping down the edge of my lip, of the ache the comes with 

pounding feet and flexing tendons, of pure fire and sun-rays, the kind that

                    lick at the back of my throat and

my chest, a garden of wildflowers to burst through my ribcage with petals that 

flutter out on every breath, first and 

                                                   only love– 


i left once and cannot find it again, atrophy that bleeds through swollen veins, starting 
               to forget what it felt like 

                                for my mind, body and heart to agree 

                                                         on something- the shock of the transition is getting to me, i'm sure, 


withdrawal, they call it. my eyes are cloudy and all i think i know is that 

adrenaline is one hell of a pain killer


(i’d forgotten what it's like, the profound dark, and now it greets me again)


and i'm not sure how much longer i can be without it. 

Sayornis p.


14 years old

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