An Apple Red as Blood & A Coffin Made of Glass: A “Snow White” Spoof

   There once lived a human queen and a vampire king who had a daughter, who they named Snow White, “Snow” to her friends, for she was born during a harsh blizzard..  

  On Snow’s 5th birthday, the queen became deathly ill and died , for that is what happens when you give birth to a vampire child, leaving Snow & the king in mourning.

  The king was lonely after the death of his wife, but he had to carry on and find a mother figure for his daughter, so he searched throughout the land for a woman suitable enough to be queen.

 The king took a year to find the perfect wife before he found her: Evilin, a beautiful sorceress from the neighboring kingdom who feared vampires and was obsessed with the supreme beauty she held, for it gave strength to her magic and kept her alive.   

   She kept an enchanted mirror that would tell her any truth as long as she proclaimed "Magic Mirror upon the wall, who is fairest of them all?” The mirror would always answer “My queen, you are the fairest that I have seen. It is your beauty that reigns supreme.”

    They lived happily until Evilin discovered the king’s true vampire identity and had him killed by the last vampire hunter, Abraham Van Helsing, who also died in the process. But Evilin, deep within her nearly hollow heart, could not bring herself to kill a 6 year old girl, vampire or not.

Snow became increasingly kind, wise and beautiful and Evilin became fearful that she would steal the title of fairest of them all, so she locked her within the castle, allowing her to only stay within the castle grounds, leaving the animals & servants who lived in the castle as her only friends.

  But on Snow’s 18th birthday, Evilin’s fear, jealousy and hatred of Snow had grown so exponentially that she devised a plan to get rid of her. Evilin commanded to the chief huntsman “Tell Snow that you are going to pick apples for the Apple Festival then when you are in the woods, kill her and carve out her heart and bring it back to me so that I may know she is dead, then I will give you your payment,” 

 But the huntsman chief couldn't kill her for she was the love of his nephew, Victor.

They’d met the year after Snow’s mother died, before Evilin was part of the story and the pair became instantly inseparable but their friendship developed into a love for each other so true that it could traverse life and death.  The Huntsman took Snow into the woods and warned her of the queen's plans, “Run away, into the woods and keep running until you find a small                                                  

cottage with a watermill, near a great waterfall. You can stay there until Victor comes to find you there,” the huntsman said. 

 “Nobody lives there?” Snow asked curiously.

“If anybody does live there, tell them the truth and they’ll let you stay,” the huntsman answered.

“How do you know that?” asked Snow.

“Everybody loves you and hates the queen. If you tell them that you are hiding from Evilin, they will surely let you in.” replied the huntsman.

“Thank you.” Snow said, hugging him. Then she ran away into the forest.

But the huntsman couldn’t go back. Not until he brought back a heart for the queen, so he went straight to the butcher and bought a pig’s heart to bring to Evilin.

  In the forest, Snow ran throughout the woods with the navigation of her animal friends, until evening when she finally arrived at the old watermill cottage, which was beside a great, silver waterfall, hiding multiple mines within the cave behind it, holding many different types of crystals, gemstones and precious metals.

  Snow went inside and discovered that it was quite beautiful within, then she went upstairs to discover 7 little beds, each half the size of her, each with a name carved into them. Snow pushed two of the beds together and fell asleep but the owners of the cottage, seven dwarves each with a hat of a different color, were on their way home from their long work day in the mines.

  When they arrived home, they were shocked to see a teenage girl sleeping in their beds so they shook her awake and Snow White shot up in surprise.

  “Who are you?” she said, confused.

“We are the owners of this cottage. But the better question is who are you and why are you in our humble abode?” said the tallest dwarf, with the name “Blitzen” stitched onto his hat.

“I’m princess Snow White. Queen Evilin, is trying to kill me, so I ran away into the forest and when I found your house, I thought it was abandoned so I settled down for the night. May I please stay? It’s only for a couple days and I could do chores?” Snow asked.

  The dwarves huddled together and then looked back at Snow.

“Yes. You may stay.” said Blitzen, “First, let us introduce ourselves. I’m Blitzen and these are my brothers: Dasher, Prancer, Dancer, Comet, Cupid,  and Donner.” said Blitzen, “We were named after the reindeer and we have a sister, Vixen, but we don’t talk about her.”

   The dwarves then let Snow go back to sleep and they settled in for the long night.

  Back at the castle, after retrieving the heart from the huntsman, she asked the mirror "Magic Mirror upon the wall, who is fairest of them all?”, but this time the mirror replied 

“Your beauty is renowned my queen, but there is greater that I have seen. Her name shall give you great blight, for ’tis the name of the princess, Snow White.”

  Evilin then had the huntsman killed, but not before he sent Victor to search for Snow, she took measures into her own hands by planning to dip an apple in a special potion, red as blood, that would put any creature into a “death-like sleep”. She magically disguised herself as an old crone and went to the dwarves' cottage and knocked on the door.

  Snow was surprised to see the old lady but she kindly asked “Hello, good crone. What may I do for you?”

  “I’m selling apples for the festival. Would you like one?” said Evilin, in a raspy voice, gesturing to the poisoned apple to Snow.

  Snow nodded and gently took the apple from disguised Evilin’s hand, then she took a bite.

“How is it?” asked Evilin, feigning kindness.

“Sweet,” said Snow.

Then it changed, the potion taking effect.

 “How about now?” asked Evilin again, this time with a venomous sneer.

Snow became heavy eyed and in a groggy voice said “Bitter..” then as her body swung dizzily, Snow’s eyes closed and lost all consciousness, she collapsed onto the earth’s mossy floor, the apple half melting in her hand.

Evilin reverted back to her true form and in a puff of heavy fog, arrived back at the castle and once again asked the mirror her common inquiry to which the mirror now responded “You’ve won, my Queen, for you are the fairest I have seen,” and Evilin undertook her day happily.

Meanwhile, within the enchanted forest, the dwarves came back from their long work day in the mines and when they got home, Snow was unconscious. 

 The dwarves thought her dead, unaware of her vampire bloodline,  so they configured her a grave fit for a princess:

A coffin made entirely of glass, so that any that pass by can see her beauty, melted silver to hold the glass together and a silk pillow base for comfort, all on top of a wooden slab.

They carried the coffin throughout the forest where they set the coffin & Snow underneath a great, purple willow tree.

Victor was riding through the forest when he found the dwarves huddled around the coffin, having a service for Snow, placing white roses within the coffin.

“What happened to her?” Victor asked.

“We found her like this on the ground when we came home from work, and this was next to her.” Blitzen said, holding the apple, ”It was the queen, using black magic”.

 “May I at least say goodbye?” Victor asked.

The dwarves gave a synchronized nod, then Victor slowly walked over to the coffin and laid a kiss, a kiss of true love, onto Snow’s lips, awakening her, for true love breaks any and all spells, it also removed her vampire curse, making her human. Victor told Snow what happened and they decided to take back the kingdom and when they got back to the castle, Evilin was a stone statue, a result of her loss of the beauty that let her live. As a result, Snow White was crowned queen, she married Victor and she lived happily ever after.

 

                                                The End.  For now….

Scarlet

VT

14 years old

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