Bermuda Bunny

      My name is Oliver Jones and I am a parapsychologist meaning I study the paranormal and supernatural. Today on my weekly podcast I’m going to tell you the most bone-chilling experience of my life and why I always bring a dagger with me on a train. This story has death, gore, blood, and carnage. This is not for people of the ages 10 or under. Thank you.

    I wanted to go to Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia, PA because of the recent spike in ghost sightings at the penitentiary. I was excited. I love Philly, after all, it was where I was born. Maybe I would see an Eagles game while I was there; I’m a huge fan. I bought my train tickets and packed my bag. I was ready to get my big break. I was going to be the first man in the history of parapsychology to fully capture a ghost on camera and prove to everyone that I was not insane. Little did I know that I was not ever going to reach the penitentiary.

    I had bought first-class tickets and was ready for the luxury. I got on the train and took my seat. It felt like forever but finally, the train started to move. I looked out my window and watched the beautiful skyline of San Francisco disappear in the night sky. Turning my dagger in my hand; I do that when I think. It used to belong to my great-grandfather. I hope that sometime I could jab something with it someday. It sounded kind of fun at the time.

    Hours passed like minutes, I switched trains in Salt Lake City, Utah, and Columbia, Missouri. I slept some but at others, I just read while petting my little Holland lop bunny, Bermuda. We were about to cross into Indiana when it happened. We crossed the border into Indiana then the train suddenly jolted and passed the same farm as a few moments ago. 

    I was thinking about what happened when we passed the border again with another jolt. We were once again at the farm. I decided to go see the conductor. I got up and started walking, I walked through 1 car then we passed the border again and another jolt. I found myself back at my seat with my book in my hand and Bermuda on my lap. 

    I was truly confused. Not panicked or worried but just confused... and very very fascinated by the occurrence. Another jolt went by. I was starting to get used to it. I guess it was about the fifth time around when it started to get freaky. When the fifth jolt went by, the plants in the train turned reddish-brown. Then on the sixth, the sky turned gray and the rest of the passengers disappeared in a flash of light. Finally, new weird things stopped happening. That is for a little while. It was about the 14th time when it happened. After the 14th jolt, Bermuda said, 

"That is so annoying!". I just stared at her in astonishment. Then it hit her, "I can talk?!...I can talk!" I dropped my dagger; then quickly picked it back up.

When I found my voice again I said, "Who are you and what have you done to the real Bermuda." 

    "What are you talking about Oliver, it's me, Bermuda." She said, 

"Tell me something only you would know," I questioned then added, "If you are the real Bermuda." 

She thought for a moment then said, "Remember that time when you wet the bed that night and forgot to clean it up, and then your girlfriend came over and saw it‒you blamed it on me."

    I let out a sigh of relief then relaxed. It was her. After another jolt, I said, "Now that you can talk I need to ask you some questions... why did you chew up all of my books?" I asked. 

    "I was reading them, duh, I thought you were smart!" She answered in an annoyed voice. "Ok, then what is z2x4+7y equal to?” 

She thought for a moment then said, “Well there are a lot of answers to that but here I simplified it to 4z2+7y.” I stared at her in astonishment. That not only proved that she could speak but may be the smartest animal on this planet. Another jolt passed. Then Bermuda asked, “Are you just going to sit there like an idiot or try to stop this time warp thing.” I chose the second. After that, we started to formulate a plan. We decided that every jolt was about three minutes apart. After the next jolt, we would sprint for the conductor and stop this insanity. Our plan was solid and we were ready.

    The border came into sight and we got ready. The jolt passed and we sprinted for the front we passed many. We were in the seventh car so we had to run fast. We were only two cars away when the next jolt passed and we were back at our seats.

    "Darn!," yelled Bermuda. We sat there for a few more minutes in silence.

    "I think I figured out a new plan Bermuda," I said, "You are a lot faster than me so you go and spy on him, and when the jolt passes you report back."

    She nodded slowly and then said, "That could work... alright I'll try next jolt." We waited the whole two minutes but it felt like two hours. When the time came Bermuda leaped and then sprinted down the aisle faster than a bullet. To this day I wonder how that fat bunny managed to easily outrun any human. I waited the full three minutes eating animal crackers and mumbling to myself that she would never come back. When she did she broke the bad news to me. At first, she was shy but then she told me,  “Um...well you see… the conductor…is kind of a monster.” I was shocked for a minute this comment was insane.

    “So what you’re telling me is that the conductor is a time warp creating, evil monster of doom?” I asked.

    “Yup, that pretty much covers it,” She said after a moment of thought. We decided that the only way that we could get out of this time warp was to kill the conductor and stop the train. The only problem was that we couldn’t reach the front car. We would somehow have to draw the conductor to us. Then fight him in our car. I thought that we should bang stuff together and make some noise. Bermuda disagreed; Bermuda thought that we should break open the window then climb out and break the axel or something. We went with Bermuda’s plan. 

    We found a few things that could work to break the window. The first was the gift that I was going to give to his mother while I was in Pennsylvania. It was The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. It was a leather, signed, hardcover, a limited edition that cost him $179 but I needed to escape. I grabbed the book and chucked it at the window as hard as I could; it just bounced off.

    “Wow,” I exclaimed, “I’m weak.” Now I tried the second object, my belt. I swing it around a few times like nun-chucks. Then with all of my might, I swung the belt down on the window like a sledgehammer. The window shattered into pieces. Then an alarm went off. We didn’t even need to break the train! We waited for two more jolts for the monster to arrive and surely as the third jolt passed it arrived.

He was seven feet tall with magnificently sharp 3-inch fang and ragged brown fur encasing his body. I was terrified and awed at the same time. I pulled out my grandfather’s dagger from my bag and got ready to fight. We danced around in a circle in the car.

He attacked with his five-inch-long claws first. It slashed wildly trying to get me but I was a lot faster than it. It finally scored a hit on my left shoulder. That did it. I wasn’t a fighter, I’m not now and never will be. But with all the adrenaline pumping I felt pure hatred toward this beast. It had backed away a few steps when my sudden lash out of anger struck. I charged the beast with my dagger and stabbed it right in the gut. Blood spilled all over me. But the beast wasn’t done yet. He charged at me, tackling me in the process. We wrestled on the ground for about a minute slashing and biting. I somehow managed to rip the dagger out of his gut. I stabbed him yet again in the jugular vein. Blood squirted everywhere. He tried to scream in pain but all that came out was a gurgling of blood flowing through his throat. I had killed the killer. Slayed the monster.

That’s when I gave Bermuda the sign that she had been all so patiently waiting for. She hit the lever in my hidden net gun that I had previously strapped to my bag. The net shot out of the bag with extreme force and wrapped itself self around the monster. I pulled the little button out of my pocket and then pressed it sends an electric shock through the body of the beast. As a final act of defiance toward this monster. I cut the head of the beast off and threw it out of the shattered window. As soon as the head left the train another jolt passed. This time longer than the others. As soon as it ended, all of the passengers returned. I smiled at my success in finding a new creature and saving all of the people. I had gotten my big break. You just wait; the name Oliver Jones will be on all of those billboards. When I looked out the window I saw the border pass with no jolt; I was happier than ever to be in Indiana.