Broken

bending down
to untie my shoe

suddenly
my mind
goes blank

it's a mix 
of deja vu
and amnesia

familiar
but unknown

the world
is spinning
or maybe it's
all in my head

I stumble
and fall
to my knees
weak

trembling
I curl into a ball

my body
becomes a cave
cold and dark

my hair
becomes damp
with tears
and sweat

when I finally
lift my head
I see 
myself

hollow eyes
staring at me
from the mirror

they are my eyes
yet they are strange
red and puffy
and wet

I stand
to better see myself
and I am conflicted

I cannot tell
whether I am
beautiful
or ugly

cannot tell
whether I am
too fat
or too thin

it is all
distorted

the mirror
is a lie
and I hate it

in my hatred
I raise my fist

I imagine
thrusting it
through the
shiny surface

tiny cracks
splintering across
the perfect glass

bursting apart
crashing to the floor
cutting through
my imperfect skin

blood dripping
from puncture wounds
created by glass
and fingernails

it stains the floor
a dark maroon

my skin closes
around the glass
creating rough scars
lines on my skin

my fingers 
trace the lines
sorrowfully

they try to remember
when I was whole
unbroken

every tear
every scream
every scar
is a cry for help

my version
of an SOS

trying to find someone
who can pick up my pieces
and put them back together 

someone
who can fix me

make me
whole