"i'm fine"

i'm fine

i'm staring at nothing
thinking about everything
exhausted and hurt from the words that slipped off their tongues,
"you okay?" they ask without wanting to know the answer.

"i'm fine." i answer
they don't want to know that i feel like crying
or that i wish i were at home, anywhere but here
so why do they ask?

"you look tired."
i know. unfortunately, sleep doesn't come easily anymore
"i'm fine." i answer
not that they really care

"why are you so grumpy?"
i hate this question. like, why are you so nosy?
"just tired." i answer. "i'm fine."
the real reason is because i heard you say those things

rumors, rumors.
come on, guys, really?
just say it to my face at this point
all those things are just jealousy, so why am i so upset?

nothing like a good cry
after a long day
a few rumors, a few friends lost
parents yelling and siblings being jerks

"why are you so quiet?"
because i'm always too loud
"why are you so angry?" 
because i'm tired of people walking all over me

"were you crying?"
ha, you think i'd actually tell you?
"no, i'm fine." i answer
it's not like you care anyway

a fake smile laced with anger
i'm surprised you don't see right through it
the people who say they know me best
still don't notice when my world is crashing down

when i need to talk to someone
when it's my worst night
no one can spare five single minutes
no one even bothers to respond

but the next day, when it takes me 3 seconds longer than usual to respond
they ask, "are you okay?"
does it look like it?
i could be hurt inside and they would never know or even care

not that i am hurt inside,
no, not at all.
i smile and laugh 
everyone just assumes i'm fine

because i'm fine
i'm fine.
completely. seriously,
"i'm fine."