It Always Has to End

I feel like I’m floating

The gentle pounding of the bass coming from my headphones washes me in bliss. I love feeling like this. The music blocks out everything else. The annoying thoughts racing through my head get silenced. They can no longer yell at me to do the bits of homework I’ve been putting off, or to respond to my friend's message that they sent nearly two hours ago.

I shouldn’t be putting off these tasks, but I need a break. The day was hard, and I just got home. A few moments of peace can’t hurt.  

The song has a simple rhythm, and there are no vocals. I like music like that. There’s nothing for me to dislike about it. No distracting sounds, no changes in voice that I don't like. Just a simple melody to melt into.

My eyes are shut. I don’t feel like looking around the room, or even away, wherever your eyes go when you stare into space. I don’t like having my eyes closed. It kind of hurts, and I'm not sure why, but it’s better than keeping them open.

No. I’m supposed to be resting. It’s not the time to stress about where my eyes are or aren’t looking. If they hurt or if they don’t. The thought of homework shouldn't have even flitted through my head.

Damnit. I try to stop all my thoughts. I’m berating myself by thinking about what I should or should not be thinking about. That's the opposite of what I’m trying to achieve right now. 

I start humming along to the music, just focusing on the beat. The song has changed, and this one has less bass. Still no vocals. This song is more cheerful, with higher notes and a more upbeat melody. 

I feel something jump onto my leg. It’s my cat, and he's hungry. He's always hungry. I open my eyes slowly and reach out to put him. He’s purring loudly, and rubbing against my hand. The good ol’ cute and cuddly feed-me-and-I’ll-love-you cat technique. If I don’t feed him now he’lll turn to the evil-biting-cat-of-doom and try to eat ME to demonstrate his hunger.

The song slows and I hear the last notes. It's the last on my playlist, and I don’t have autoplay on. The next playlist won’t start. I want to stay in my own world a little longer, but I can't. I have things to do; cats to feed, homework to do, and friends to talk to. I let out a final, deep breath before pushing myself out of my seat. 

I wish the moment could last, but I knew from the moment I sat down that, eventually, the song had to end.

PiperL

VT

18 years old

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