My mind

I wished I knew all the right things to say. 

Or maybe my wish was bigger than that.

I wanted to always be enough.

***

"I'm fine. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Nothings wrong with you at all. Was it not what you wanted?"

"It was exactly what I wanted. That's the thing."

***

My skin felt tighter around my rib cage. 

I don't want to ask him for anything. 

I felt my voice rising. 

"I don't want to stay."

***

I wanted to map out this conversation. 

I was growing up.

I let myself notice.

I wondered whether,

she felt alone inside,

like I did. 

***

"he asked you?" 

"no... maybe."

"it's probably not a good idea"

"I bet you'd regret it forever if you didn't"

***

I'll be honest, 

I belonged to my friends. 

I would expect you to know. 

***

I have nothing. 

I'll do anything.

***

It was only fall, 

Red-flag fire warnings, 

and power blackouts in the hills.

I'd begun to feel the pressure of the universe. 

***