No Love In The Heart of Man

Father who art in heaven.

I am tired of screaming. You fall, a corpse, and I am alone once again. I do not scream. I have lived all this before.

Hallowed be thy name.

I remember you, and I am risen once again from the ashes. The sound of artillery fire resonates heavily in my skull, but it will fade. You are making breakfast. 

Thy kingdom come--

We say a prayer before eating. I hold your hand. I have memorized the calluses, the grooves, the cuts, and it gives me comfort. Amen, we say, and dig in. I am hungry but say I am not, because that is what I did last time.

Thy kingdom--

I look at my hands, and I can almost see the blood dripping off them. I blink, and it is gone. 
Why does His kingdom feel so far away? I do not think I will go there. I have disobeyed the laws of nature, blinded by my own arrogance. Or was it love?

Thy will be done,

The silver that will soon be in your skull has turned into the silver fork in my hand. I watch the clock. I know it will happen again.

On earth as it is in heaven.

The clock is a heartbeat, and I am the god of this second. I know the exact tick when the air will change. I know the precise degree the sun must hit the floor before my world breaks. 
"You're shaking," you tell me. 
You place your hand comfortingly on my arm. Your palm is defiantly warm. I look into your eyes. I see only craters and I smell cordite. I have stolen you from the mouth of the grave and for that I am sorry. 

Give us this day our daily bread,

I am satisfied with the lie. I am satisfied with the way the steam rises from your mug of coffee and hides the smoke running up the horizon. I take a bite of your waffles. It tastes awful but I smile, because I love you.

And forgive us our trespasses

This is a communion of the damned.

As we forgive those who trespass against us.

I do not forgive the world for taking you. 
It is true, I am not only here to say my last words to you. I am here for another reason as well. A reason that breaks one of the most fundamental rules of my power.

Lead us not into temptation

I must save you, and kill him. 

But deliver us from evil.

At 9:36 pm, the door bursts open and I grab you. I throw you underneath the table and tackle the man in the doorway. I have been shot once already, in the shoulder. I wrench the gun away from his hands and grab the dagger in his pocket, throwing that into the skull of his comrade behind him. 

Deliver us from evil,

I have at this point taken out the two soldiers sent here to kill us. It is over. I have won. I clutch my ripped shoulder, blood flowing, gushing from the wound. You look at me as if you do not know me, but I was only protecting you. Like I always have. I am confused. Why are you hesitant to grasp the hand of your protector? You are alive, that is what matters. We are alive.

For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory.

I hold your hand in mine, and look deeply into your eyes. You are beautiful, the true representation of God's creation.

For ever and ever.

I hear the sound of death approaching before it actually hits. I turn, and am greeted by perhaps sixty bullets riddling my body. I look behind me. You have fallen once again. I had not planned for this future. I have not yet experienced this one. I have failed.
Your gaze catches mine, and I kiss your blood-slicked forehead. As the light fades from your eyes, I remember you.

God's divine creation, so full of love. But, as I glance towards the men at the door and my reflection in their visors, I see.

There is no love in the hearts of men.

I knit my fingers together and close my eyes tight to finish the prayer.

Amen.