The Telling of Myself

I could tell you a story about when I was young, or even express why certain hobbies I have are vastly important and a big part of my life. But those instances wouldn’t show you the real me, they only show you a part of me. With this belief, the question “tell me about yourself?” has been something that always left me feeling stuck, as if I didn’t know who I was or what to say. At some point I thought maybe I just don’t know who I am. But truthfully, it is impossible to tell one's life story in just words. There’s just so many characteristics and events that can reveal a different part of me that I can share. Every second of my life made me who I am today. 

When I was younger I was very active. From kindergarten to now, I have participated in ballet, cheer, jazz dancing, basketball, majorette/baton, soccer, track, and volleyball. I also loved painting and writing poems from a young age. But so have others. I mention this because these are things I would typically say when sharing about myself. I could even tell you about my favorite food or where I grew up. Ultimately again, this will only tell you what I did or what I like, not who I am. There’s a deeper meaning behind why we like or participate in certain things that we may not be able to put into words so easily. I don't just love to paint and write because it's fun, I love it because it helped me escape. All emotions, thoughts, and stressful feelings formed from a rough time in my life were minimized and seized by these hobbies. They brought me peace. Every hardship expressed in short stories and small brush strokes. Many people know I love to paint and love poetry, but many don't know why. Simple words cannot explain a life long journey. There are always deeper layers that remain unseen. 

The desire to be understood was something I had for a long time. If I was able to show people a video of my life, I would've. I wished for people to know the real me, I wish for them to know me on a deeper level. Enlightening yourself on someone's life on that level, to me, helps you to be able to recognize why people are who they are today and what kind mindset that they have. I valued those kinds of connections, so telling people about myself was stressful. I didn’t like things that were surface level. I felt misunderstood at times as well, but as I got older, I had to realize not to over-stress myself when telling people who I am. People aren’t going to fully know me. People may only see certain aspects of me, like the ones I choose to show or the ones that are most visible and I've learned to accept that. We can never really know people, but we can understand certain people in our lives as time goes on and based on that understanding form those connections that I wanted.   

Everyone has unique thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Our thoughts, feelings, and experiences shape us, and they're constantly changing. At times, even we ourselves may not fully know who we are. People are complex beings, and it takes time and effort to truly understand someone. It's like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces. Naturally we get to know others better by listening, asking questions, and being open-minded. But in the end, there may always be a part of an individual's story that remains a mystery.



18 years old