There is No Other Option

finally, school is wrapping up
tying the bow atop
an unfinished present
I am reluctant to give away
what will i have when it ends?
will days stretch longer
or will the sand fall faster?
as i lie on this bed day after day
or are the days just illusions as well?
sweating as the sun shines down
and stagnant summer air suffocates
mourning the loss of the desert sand
that's fallen through the cracks
allotted to volunteering, laughter, travel
to the east coast colleges 
and their gusty winds of change
the timing, once perfect
now, the calendar in the waste bin
with plans scattered across the floor
too confusing to try to start deciphering
when all the numbers are x, y, z's 
that are constantly shuffling around
how does anyone do math with letters?
it all seemed kinda manageable
in classrooms so close, yet so far
their memory engrained in me
yet the reality, tauntingly out of reach
but now, even the pros have no solution
and I'm spinning in a wash cycle
of cup half full and half empty
it almost doesn't matter at all
if i thought i was insignificant before,
how small am i now?
flailing through this slow motion limbo
underwater, the world muffled
gasping as my tired heart tries
desperately, to keep treading
how much longer can i take this?
well, actually, i already know
the answer to this one
for once
i'll keep kicking, keep fighting
do whatever i need to
for as long as i have to
because there is no other option.