Ticking Time Bomb

I've never fancied myself the antsy type
Yet here I am,
becoming very intimate with the reload button
don't worry, we're just friends...
for now
checking my email every, maybe,
half an hour? 
don't look at me like that
fine, I admit
i've loaded it over 30 times today

what am i doing?

i'm clasping my hands
suspenseful music ringing in my ears
every time i click that
all too familiar arrow
and thus far, they've always fallen
in disappointment
a few times, when I see the inbox
with 8 instead of 7
i gasp in delight
only to groan and curse 
punching the keys
forcefully crumpling it into a ball
& shoving it into DELETE
when it's spam

why am i doing this to myself?

because right now, this is my life
my sad existence
the only shred of importancy
that i've seen in a while
i have plans to make
and troubles to divert
but nothing matters 
because everything is on pause
until you reply

what if you say no?

well, that's alright
although i pray you don't say so
but if you do deign to type "no"
i won't have a choice but to get over it
but at least I can move on
at this point, it's out of my hands
the hopes and dreams riding
on this shot in the dark
nothing to do but wait

have you even read it?

i know you're probably busy
and i hate email
for being unable to give me
even this shred of knowledge
i wish i could hand you a paper
to know you've got it
look you in the eye and mentally
take you by the shoulders and shake
until you agree

how much longer can i take this?

i don't know
i hope i won't find out
but someone's set off a ticking timb bomb
somewhere inside me
and i'm going to blow
any day, any time now
clinging to my sanity
pulling my hair from their roots
and totally beginning to break out

where has my patience gone?

gone with the shot in the dark
fading with each hour,
minute,
second
that ticks by
and to think it's only been
24 hours

so won't you please just reply?

before this girl
on the other side of your screen
becomes a pimply bald mess
& starts to combust?