A Time Of Despair

I have always been a reckless kid, with an attitude that says "I don't care." I like adventures and having butterflies in my stomach. I am what some would call "adrenaline junky". But my careless and impulsive lifestyle doesn't always make life easy. My parents don't have a lot of faith or trust in me, many whispers behind my back, I lack the ability to express myself without feeling judged, and I often just feel lonely. I try to steer my thoughts away from the dark side of the jungle inside my mind. But one night everything just got too much. I broke down into my pillow, so no one would hear my loud tears. I had my hand over my mouth to muffle the escaping gasps that always manage to be louder than a scream. My eyes were shut tight as if I were trying to hide in my thoughts.
"I hate myself, why am I who I am?" I thought. This was a reoccurring reflection I have of confusion during these breakdowns. But when I told myself that this time I felt a warm touch, it felt like someone was wrapping their arms around me and pulling my curled-up body into a hug. I felt so safe, all of the negative thoughts vanished from my mind. I felt at peace like someone was telling me they loved me genuinely without using words. This was a feeling I hadn't felt in a while. It was a feeling that I needed. 
I opened my eyes and it all went away. I went cold again and the sadness crept back up to the glands above my eyes. But I wasn't confused anymore. In fact, I was assured. I knew I was supposed to be a part of this life, and I had finally had a taste of the feeling that I had been searching for. I had just been looking in the wrong places, I didn't need to put myself in danger to feel. I needed to be loved, I want to feel loved. And some may say that was my subconscious mind finally getting to me, or the lectures from my parents had finally processed through my brain, or perhaps I was just having a manic episode. But I know that was nothing other than a spirit, my guardian angel. She knew I was in a time of despair and reminded me that I am meant to be here just as much as everyone else. We all have a protector watching over us, they are always present and watching, but rarely thought of for we only need to know they are truly there in times absolutely necessary.