Within My Dreams

I wish it would stop. My parents screaming at eachother, things shattering as they're thrown to the floor, sirens blaring along the streets, and impatient car horns. It never ends. My parents are both drunks, they say they try their hardest but I know that's all complete bullshit. It’s all an excuse. If they tried hard then maybe they wouldn’t fight so much, if they tried hard then I wouldn’t be covered in bruises and scars, if they tried hard then maybe I wouldn’t starve for days on end, if they tried hard then maybe I’d be happy.

I can feel the warmth of the sun caressing my skin. I haven’t felt this warmth in a long time. It’s nice. The rustling grass brings comfort to my ears, a break from the city noise. An escape from reality, the reality I never want to go back to. I feel at peace, but I still fear what's to come. I want to lay here in this meadow forever, but when will this peace end? Is this all a dream? Do I have to go back to the nightmares of my life, the things I dread most in this world? 

My father slamming open my bedroom door had woken me up. Crap, it was really just a dream. I knew it was too good to be true. 

“Kaylee! Go clean up the living room, I have a hangover and I don’t feel like dealing with your mom”

“You and Mom were the ones who made that mess”, I said under my breath

Fathers expression said everything. He heard me. 

“WHO GIVES A DAMN WHETHER YOU MADE THE MESS OR NOT, I'M YOUR GODDAMN FATHER SO YOU HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING I TELL YOU!” 

He grabbed my arm tightly and pulled me to the living room. It hurts, but I know if I were to say something it would only do more harm than good. 

“Now get to work”, he told me sternly.

Mom and Dad seem as though they are always out to get me, Dad especially. They have nothing better to do anyways.

 Not even five minutes have gone by and my parents left the house. They are probably out drinking again, it’s all but an endless cycle. I'm not even sure how I still have a roof over my head. Broken glass of beer bottles is everywhere, it reeks. I feel as though I have to clean this up everyday; Another endless cycle. I want to go back to my dream, I want to be in the fresh air, toasted by the sun, and listening to the peaceful rustling of grass. I want to feel all those foreign emotions again. With how my lifes been going I believe that my dream is just it’s way of showing me the things I can never have. I’ve barely convinced myself to accept that.

Mom and Dad aren’t home yet, I wonder if they are even coming back home tonight. Honestly I don’t give a damn if they don’t come back home tonight or even weeks from now, it would be better that way. No yelling or crashing sounds. When they’re gone it’s the closest thing to content that my life will allow.

A few days have gone by and every time I fall asleep I go back to that peaceful meadow. I've gotten to the point where I can even walk around and explore new parameters. I’ve been finding myself in brighter moods. Mom and dad had eventually made it back home. Dad hates my brighter mood, he hates seeing me having a taste of happiness. I have a new collection of bruises because of it. Maybe he’s trying to beat that small bit of happiness out of me. Mom could care less of what I do or how I feel, she’s too busy hooking up with people and getting drunk to even notice a change. I plan on leaving this place, going somewhere where no one can cause me pain anymore, somewhere I can feel at peace, somewhere I don’t feel lost, somewhere within my dreams.

It took me lot’s of thought but I’m finally leaving. Where I’m going cannot just be defined in words; It’s somewhere only I can go. A place only I can find a way to, for it’s not on this miserable earth. This miserable earth that I am glad to leave.