Luke walked along the trail in the woods with his hands in his pockets and his feet dragging as he walked towards the spot he’d always gone when he was upset. The sun would set in an hour, but he’d be back by then. He just needed to clear his head. The woods were safe. He’d always found solace in their silence and isolation. In the woods he wasn’t “Sophie,” he wasn’t “she,” and he wasn’t “our good-for-nothing daughter who’s just trying to embarrass us by dressing up as a boy.” No, Sophie wasn’t him. Sophie was the girl he used to be, who had hated herself without knowing why, who had struggled every day trying to figure out who to be. Now that he’d finally discovered himself, he couldn’t let it go. He kicked a pebble along the path as he remembered the events of the day. He had gotten in yet another fight with his parents, leaving him drained and angry with life. But in the woods he could just be Luke. Not “young lady,” not “miss,” not “our confused little girl.” No, the woods were safe.
He continued to walk aimlessly, drifting off the trail as he lost himself in his flashbacks and stopped paying attention to the world around him.
“Come on, Soph, just stop trying to be someone you’re not.”
“You’re just confused. You’ve always been a tomboy, that doesn’t mean you have to actually be a boy.”
“I don’t care what crazy ideas you come up with about your gender, you’ll always be our little girl.”
As he wandered, the sky began to darken and the sounds of animals grew quiet. If he’d paid attention, Luke would’ve noticed that sunset wasn’t supposed to happen for another half hour.
“This has gone on for long enough, now you’re just being immature!”
“I won’t have this madness in my house! You’re a girl, now act like it!”
“Don’t you dare tell your little sister about this. We can’t have her getting any ideas.”
An owl’s hooting quickly brought him out of his thoughts, and he realized he had no idea where he was. The dark silhouettes of trees extended in all directions and the trail to lead him home was nowhere to be found.
crunch
Luke whipped around as he heard the crunch of leaves behind him, but no one was there. “Hello?” he yelled. No response. “It’s fine, it’s fine, I’m sure it’s nothing. Keep it together, Luke,” he muttered to himself as he walked in a circle. “Just gotta walk home. Whatever direction that is… Okay, umm… oh! I’ll find the north star and follow that! That’s what people used to do, right?” He looked up at the sky, but it was all dark. No moon, no stars, no help, and the temperature was quickly dropping. He considered trying to find a road, but remembered the nearest one was at least two miles away. He’d be walking for hours with no sense of whether he was even heading in the right direction.
“Shit. Ah!”
He kicked a log in frustration, but his foot got stuck and he tripped over the rotten wood, losing his glasses in the process. “No no no no no goddammit!” He felt around for them but found nothing. “Okay, okay, just walk in one direction, you’re bound to get somewhere eventually,” he reasoned with himself, his anxiety about his situation growing exponentially. He walked for a minute or so, trying to pay attention to any landmarks, but finding himself unable to distinguish anything well enough without his glasses.
Still, something felt off that he couldn’t quite place. He quickly checked over his shoulder again and almost turned back before doing a double take, seeing a figure in the distance. “Hello?! Is someone there?” But as soon as it had appeared, the figure was gone again, leaving Luke to further question his sanity. “First the glasses, now I’m fucking hallucinating?!” He whispered to no one in particular as he walked even more quickly in the direction he’d been heading.
crunch
crunch
crunch
There was now the unmistakable sound of steps behind him and he started running, almost crying whispering to himself, “It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream, it’s just a dream.” He looked behind him and the figure was quickly advancing on him, though it was still too blurry to tell who or what it was. They ran through the woods, jumping over logs and pushing branches out of the way, but he was too slow. He could feel himself starting to tire, the sound of his heavy breathing mixing with the sound of the figure running just a few feet behind him.
“Ahh!” The figure grabbed the back of his shirt and suddenly Luke was lying on his back with the figure looming above him, now close enough for him to see who it was. It was not a terrifying creature. No, it was himself…but not. It was Sophie. It was Luke, but as if he’d never transitioned, as if he’d stayed trapped as a girl this whole time. He barely recognized himself.
She smirked and subtly moved her hand to his throat. He tried to move away but felt himself painfully pinned to the ground by her unnatural strength. She slowly but surely closed her hand and he felt the breath leave him. At that moment, he knew it was over. All of his hopes and dreams… moving out, having a relationship, meeting other queer people… it was all gone. He’d never be able to make his parents understand. He could picture his gravestone, “Here lies Sophie…” That’s how he’d be remembered. It seemed fitting that his last breaths would be taken in this place that once comforted him. No, the woods weren’t safe.
Just before he blacked out, he heard her whisper in his ear,
“You can’t escape me.”
He continued to walk aimlessly, drifting off the trail as he lost himself in his flashbacks and stopped paying attention to the world around him.
“Come on, Soph, just stop trying to be someone you’re not.”
“You’re just confused. You’ve always been a tomboy, that doesn’t mean you have to actually be a boy.”
“I don’t care what crazy ideas you come up with about your gender, you’ll always be our little girl.”
As he wandered, the sky began to darken and the sounds of animals grew quiet. If he’d paid attention, Luke would’ve noticed that sunset wasn’t supposed to happen for another half hour.
“This has gone on for long enough, now you’re just being immature!”
“I won’t have this madness in my house! You’re a girl, now act like it!”
“Don’t you dare tell your little sister about this. We can’t have her getting any ideas.”
An owl’s hooting quickly brought him out of his thoughts, and he realized he had no idea where he was. The dark silhouettes of trees extended in all directions and the trail to lead him home was nowhere to be found.
crunch
Luke whipped around as he heard the crunch of leaves behind him, but no one was there. “Hello?” he yelled. No response. “It’s fine, it’s fine, I’m sure it’s nothing. Keep it together, Luke,” he muttered to himself as he walked in a circle. “Just gotta walk home. Whatever direction that is… Okay, umm… oh! I’ll find the north star and follow that! That’s what people used to do, right?” He looked up at the sky, but it was all dark. No moon, no stars, no help, and the temperature was quickly dropping. He considered trying to find a road, but remembered the nearest one was at least two miles away. He’d be walking for hours with no sense of whether he was even heading in the right direction.
“Shit. Ah!”
He kicked a log in frustration, but his foot got stuck and he tripped over the rotten wood, losing his glasses in the process. “No no no no no goddammit!” He felt around for them but found nothing. “Okay, okay, just walk in one direction, you’re bound to get somewhere eventually,” he reasoned with himself, his anxiety about his situation growing exponentially. He walked for a minute or so, trying to pay attention to any landmarks, but finding himself unable to distinguish anything well enough without his glasses.
Still, something felt off that he couldn’t quite place. He quickly checked over his shoulder again and almost turned back before doing a double take, seeing a figure in the distance. “Hello?! Is someone there?” But as soon as it had appeared, the figure was gone again, leaving Luke to further question his sanity. “First the glasses, now I’m fucking hallucinating?!” He whispered to no one in particular as he walked even more quickly in the direction he’d been heading.
crunch
crunch
crunch
There was now the unmistakable sound of steps behind him and he started running, almost crying whispering to himself, “It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream, it’s just a dream.” He looked behind him and the figure was quickly advancing on him, though it was still too blurry to tell who or what it was. They ran through the woods, jumping over logs and pushing branches out of the way, but he was too slow. He could feel himself starting to tire, the sound of his heavy breathing mixing with the sound of the figure running just a few feet behind him.
“Ahh!” The figure grabbed the back of his shirt and suddenly Luke was lying on his back with the figure looming above him, now close enough for him to see who it was. It was not a terrifying creature. No, it was himself…but not. It was Sophie. It was Luke, but as if he’d never transitioned, as if he’d stayed trapped as a girl this whole time. He barely recognized himself.
She smirked and subtly moved her hand to his throat. He tried to move away but felt himself painfully pinned to the ground by her unnatural strength. She slowly but surely closed her hand and he felt the breath leave him. At that moment, he knew it was over. All of his hopes and dreams… moving out, having a relationship, meeting other queer people… it was all gone. He’d never be able to make his parents understand. He could picture his gravestone, “Here lies Sophie…” That’s how he’d be remembered. It seemed fitting that his last breaths would be taken in this place that once comforted him. No, the woods weren’t safe.
Just before he blacked out, he heard her whisper in his ear,
“You can’t escape me.”
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