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Oct 09
nonfiction 6 comments

A Tragic Accident

"I'm not sure if you heard, but there was a tragic accident last night..."
​"A car crash..."
​"Five high school juniors died..."
​My heart raced. What happened? Who was it? From BFA? Were they my friends? Are Kayla, Rosie, Steph, Abby, Lonna, Sara, Sam, Gen, and all the others okay? Please let them be okay. Please don't let them be from BFA. Please don't let them be someone I knew.
​"They were from Harwood."
​I breathed a sigh of relief. No one I know. And then another mental crash, because someone knows them. They were someone's friends, somebody's family. And now I wonder if I somehow did know them. If they ran cross-country or track, if they skied, if they wrote, because we are all connected somehow. And I hope none of my friends knew them, because I don't want them to go though that pain, even though I know someone is. I hope they find peace someday.

#FiveLives
 
Posted: 10.09.16
About the Author: SilverGoose
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  1. Oct 11, 2016

    Thanks for sharing this, SilverGoose. I had that same reaction to hearing this news, the double-whammy. Fear-relief-sadness. It's screwed up and nonsensical. Thanks for writing this. It must have been hard to do.

  1. Oct 11, 2016

    This piece voices the other side of my thoughts. I woke up and scrolled through my facebook notifications, and I saw the headline. I read it of course, because I'm a firefighter and I read about most of the accidents I hear about. They hadn't released names or age yet, and I felt sorrow for whoever had lost these friends and family members. I got to church later that morning and people were asking me how I was holding up. I was confused, unsure why they were asking me that. Someone walked past me in tears, and I finally put two and two together. I asked if their was an update on the accident, and that's when I found out two of the names had been found out. That's when I knew about Janie and Mary. My heart broke, and my worst fears were confirmed. I spent the next hour waiting for more news, and I finally got it. The other three names, and I just felt this weight fall on me. I left the church school class I was assisting in teaching and went upstairs to catch my breath. I ended up falling apart. The pure shock that they were gone crushed me. After a few minutes I went back downstairs, my face wet and red, eyes swollen. The kids all looked at me confused, as they had been the whole morning. They didn't understand what was happening. And part of me was thankful for that. I will never forget their faces as they all looked at me.
    A little while later, a parent told me people were gathering at Harwood, and since I was going past there to the ice rink anyway, I figured I might as well stop in. I took the long way home, a more scenic view then usual. I grabbed my skates and went to Harwood, where I just lost it, for a second time. After I hung out for about an hour, I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get on the ice and clear my head.
    And that's what happened. Every time I'm on the ice, no matter what I'm going through, I feel better. Whether I'm angry, upset, depressed. I always feel better. That's the way it's always been, I can't explain it. And this really put that to the test, and it passed. I felt I was able to process and not think about it at the same time. Let everything sink in.
    The pain still comes in waves, but it's bearable. I know they're gone, I can't change that. What pulls me is I want to be with my family and I can't be. (That's another long story for another day.) What bothers me the most is I don't know how much time any of us have left. Like an hourglass, but the top half is obscured.
    Also that I just need their support, and I'm getting it from them, but it's not in person.
    I found out Monday morning it could've been a lot worse. Other Harwood students could've been involved. As well as some friends who don't go to Harwood but Stowe.
    It's all just a living nightmare. I'm just trying to remember that I can twist myself up in knots trying to understand all of this, or second-guess their actions or this other guys actions, but ultimately it's not for me to figure out. For me, without knowing that, I wouldn't have made it this far in my life. It's just one foot i front of the other at my own pace, but I gotta keep moving.

    Therran Adams

  1. Oct 12, 2016

    Wow, Bruins. This is an amazing piece of writing, here in the comments section. You have astounding strength and resolve. The image of the hourglass is... haunting. There's a poem there, I think. Thank you for sharing so openly and with force and truth. You must be a pillar of support for those around you. Only, I hope you have folks to lean on too.

  1. Oct 12, 2016

    I do, and some if I was allowed to see them. But yes I do. Thank you.

    Therran Adams

  1. Oct 21, 2016

    I really like this piece. It is incredible honest, and I admire you for that. My favorite phrase in it is "we are all connected somehow." I think that this is easy to forget. Thank you for reminding me.

  1. Dec 06, 2016

    Dear SilverGoose, thank you. I don't know these people, but yet somehow, I feel like I do. Thank you. Again