For Dazai, no matter where he went or what he did, the suffering never went away. However, it did appear to lessen when he was with Chuuya. But think of what would happen if he wasn't there with him? Is he going to die, or will he still be alive? How long will it take Dazai to figure that out? Is he the only one who hasn't figured that out yet? 22 years old.
Chuuya: Chuuya never had a normal childhood. His parents never loved him: they sold him, despite being lionized by everyone. Even when everyone considered them affable, they couldn't care less about the individuals who would go to war to protect them. Chuuya was not spared. They left him homeless and forced him to live in a box from the day he was born. The only reason he knows his name is because it was written on the box they left. It's as if they sold him while he was in the box and his life for more money because no one can ever have enough money, can they? He was abandoned to be abused in human experiments. He had his body torn apart, almost to death, with no restrictions, just to see what would happen. To a child, he is a loyal, loving, and dependent person; he who is like me and has a short temper, empathy, understanding, trust, and concern. A complex person, he is someone who loves everyone with kindness and constantly wants to protect the people he cares about passionately, deeply, resentfully, and trustfully. 22 years old.
Kouyou is a protective mother figure who overprotects her children. She adores Chuuya and treats him as if he was her own son and brother, despite the fact that she is only four years older than Chuuya. She lost her own family, which may explain why she treats others the way she does, especially Chuuya. Her family wasn't the only thing she lost: when the older mafia leader was around, he took the life of her only lover and left her feeling useless and unworthy of ever falling in love again. This turned her into having a hatred towards love itself, as well as herself and the now-deceased mafia leader. Blaming them for her loss of love, believing that love had deceived her. She lost all she cared about and the realm of glimmers, with savers accusing them of duping her now-deceased beloved.Those who choose to live in the world of light, the world of glimmers, believe that if something catastrophic happens, someone will come to their rescue. Relying in something so idiotic is foolish. They may as well dig their own graves; anyone who believes that someone will always be there for them is irrational. In a summary, everyone who believes that there are always individuals who are there for them. Don't have an inkling about what's going on in the world.
Mori: Mori, a 42 years old man, is a leader of the Port Mafia. He succeeded to the post by assassinating the previous boss. He previously worked in underground hospitals, treating dead bodies, ex; He has done everything including ripping apart dead bodies to using their body parts for someone else, to trafficking them.
and other such cases, and his love interest is the president of the Armed Detective Agency. Dazai worked for him for years after Mori discovered him in a hospital after Dazai attempted suicide by cutting off his vines.
Dazai: a suicidal man who seeks the meaning and significance,He wants to know what life is worth and why one should live it. When people are about to die, why do they yield in? Why does it have such a big impact on people? There is so much about life that one does not comprehend. What happens to those who die as a direct result of it? but has lost interest in staying alive or living his own life as a result of experiences in his own life, staying alive is nothing more than surviving in the eyes of others, but a lot more in your own. It has the aspect of a live corpse. Physically alive, yet intellectually dead. You aren't living; you are only engaged in a war with yourself and others, nothing less and always more. How can some Dazi live their lives while they are barely surviving? His own past, and the way he was treated by those around him. From how he sees the world, everyone is better than him: everyone has something, he lost everything when he was much younger. Everyone left him behind, forcing him to leave behind the reasons to keep pushing harder. He doesn't have nearly as much as he used to. He at least now has two motivations for doing so: one is that he will find a reason to keep going. He believes that one day he will discover why he should continue pushing forward after everything that has occurred. Alternatively, he will discover why others have chosen to live in such a demeaning environment. 'When should they bother?', 'what can they gain in such a degrading place?' They are just something even he cannot comprehend, how unwary he would feel if he died without knowing this would haunt him. But, after all, how can someone who isn't experienced with human emotions comprehend why humans may choose to live? He has nothing else within which to live, even if he chooses a delightful way of life that enriches his own. That is never enough to persuade him to change his views. He no longer wants to live as long as the past is still real; he can't, won't, and won't be able to. It's as fundamental as that. From what they can see, he's just a bandage-wasting machine. He has at least two motivations for doing so: one is that he will find a reason to keep going. He believes that one day he will discover why he should continue pushing forward after everything that has occurred. Alternatively, he will discover why others have chosen to live in such a demeaning environment. 'When should they bother?', 'what can they gain in such a degrading place?' They are just something even he cannot comprehend, how unwary he would feel if he died without knowing this would haunt him. But, after all, how can someone who isn't experienced with human emotions comprehend why humans may choose to live?
Story:
“And that was the moment when I knew it had all flown out of my reach.”
The closer I got to the address, the louder the wind sang. When I saw his small body lying beside a cliff, motionless and absolutely lifeless. Even a drunk nurse would be able to tell, I felt my body give out. The scene resembled a battle zone way too accurately. If you didn't know that no one was at war with anyone, you wouldn't be able to tell them apart. But if that was the case, what did my dearest ever do to end up like this?
My body gave up and I collapsed on the ground, falling off into a reminiscence of the boss's words to me on that faith-filled day. That was inscribed in my soul, in my life, and it's something I'll never forge. Even if it's only in my dreams. Have I passed away yet? Is it possible for me to continue now? Why am I in this dreadful position? With the one and only person who has ever made an attempt to persuade me? I'd always like to know if I wanted to go. It's impossible for me to be here without feeling guilty. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to keep going. I'm not going to be able to tolerate it much longer.
“Dazai” I heard a voice call out to me but there was no one around? That voice… It’s the boss.
I could hear a loud sound of something falling, perhaps even breaking apart, but not in the way that something is ripped apart, seemingly harmless, torn apart? And it was at that point that I felt excruciating anguish running through my entire body, ripping me apart from head to toe. And my grip on Chuuya grew even tighter; no matter what happened. I wasn't about to let go. That's all there is to it. Everything came to an end, everything was beyond my grasp, and it all continues to flow beyond my grasp. Even my own body has devolved into a corpse. I am no longer alive. No longer a human being.
"Dazai, could you perhaps explain why you are so eageravid to die? What do you stand to gain by taking your own life? What do you stand to gain? "What makes you want to die?"
“Tell me, boss, what good would it do to keep working so hard? What benefit can I derive from this pathetic, demeaning environment in which you have chosen to reside? Never in my life have I felt as if I belonged anywhere as if I am not human…I admit I forgot what it meant to be human. I lost my emotions. It's difficult for me to express myself. When I no longer feel anything, I can’t be unhappy in this world and I cannot express joy of that sort."
“The conversation used to recur in my head. Was this the boss's method of ensuring my survival? Or was it that Monster, as you believed? “Hey, chib, can you talk to me? Hey… Speak!.” I dropped my head slowly so I could look into Chuuya's small eyes, but the little man I adored was long gone. For the first time since he had me as his only lover suicidal, he has abandoned me. I'm sure Chuuya was tired of continually wishing he could be human, even though he couldn't.
I've always dreaded telling him this, but it's the truth. Whatever happened, he was never able to get what he wanted. All he wanted was to fit in with the rest of society. He didn't want to be someone who could be easily neglected; he wanted to be loved. I'll never fully comprehend how he thought he could be easily neglected by everyone, but that was exactly all I was, an individual who didn't belong anywhere and that everything was out of reach for me. Death is covering me like a blank ready to kill when I'm ready to comment on a clear suicide that would not harm anyone. After all, who wants to be in a place where they don't feel at ease? Is this a world where I was never supposed to be? Is this a place that just brings us sorrow and pain? Is this a society where they only experience loss and pain? A place ruled completely by self-centered individuals who, without even recognizing it, are continually manipulating one another? I'm glad he won't be in pain any longer, but what's that strange feeling I'm having again? Is this what you'd call being despondent? I had a bit of a laugh…
"No one would notice if I killed myself; just how foolish did I have to be to lose him?!"
“Hahahahahahahahahaha……….”
As I finally let go of everything, tears began to crush me. What was the point of all the suffering I was subjected to? For all these years, I had to go through all that my parents forced me to go through, even though I had to witness individuals suffer in front of my eyes. Every week that I went without eating simply to feel human, all of the frigid days that I lived homeless, sleepless nights, the pain of drowning, being beaten nearly to death by my own. I could hear a voice crying out loud as my lungs began to fail, I became dehydrated, and it wasn't long before I realized it was myself shouting.
While his body lay motionless, I provoked every memory I had with him, including all of the rare smiles. Every single one of his laughter and applause. When he raged at me while bawling his eyes out, blaming me for attempting suicide when we're married. I've lost everything, and there's nothing left for me; not even his vows in this world even though he's not here.
I'd always clung to him in this gruesome world, and now I know he's gone, and it's solely my fault. If only I'd arrived a tiny little bit sooner, he wouldn't be like this. I was only a lair at the moment.
“My life has been a perpetual source of shame and humiliation. I can't imagine what it must be like to live a human life any longer, but I still do”.
"Do you think Kouyou would trust me if I told you or her the truth? Wouldn't you think I'm a jerk? Was I a fool to believe him when he swore he'd keep it a secret? Is it a mistake that I fell for the same trick twice? Because of him, I feared that day would be the end of me. I didn't think I’d be able to go on. I don't want to say anything wrong, and I regret saying anything to him. I'm sorry that he betrayed the one and only trust I had in him; I felt like pulling my soul out of my body. Nevertheless, he taught me a lesson that I needed to learn. The lesson I learned was that it’s far easier to never put your trust in someone. Never will I ever do that again. So, I apologize for not being able to tell you all that happened to me. Would you believe me if I told you everything that happened to me? Please, Chuuya, open your eyes.”
I could sense my eyes were hurting from crying so much, yet there was " I'm the monster, aren't I Chib? There is nothing I can do anymore. Hahaha, I'm the Big Bad Wolf..... I'm the biggest, worst monster that has ever existed because no one is worse than me." As I began to speak, I could hear myself collapse.
“All I feel are anxiety and terror at the prospect of becoming the only one who is completely different from everyone else. It's nearly impossible for me to communicate with others. What shall I say, and how shall I say it? I'm not sure so when I’m put on the spot I just say the first thing that came to my mind”
"There is no ease in keeping my sentiments hidden... If there is anything else you want to know, just say it and I'll tell you whatever you need to know... Perfectly alright?” I did everything I could to avoid breaking down on my words. God, how long has it been since I've broken down like this? I never want to go through this again.
"Even if you had to, you may as well. Couldn't you have waited for me to die with you, Chuuya? You know better than anyone that I've always wanted to flee this place, and you know how much I succumbed, and you decided to die alone on your own in a war zone-like place?” I tried my hardest to smile through everything, as I always did; but I was trying to hold the body of my beloved husband, the one who tried to reach out and care for me when I was at my lowest point in life. I wanted to be with him, and perhaps the closest I could get to having that dream would be if I jumped off the cliff that I was at? I knew I was smart, haha.
“And that was the moment when I knew it had all flown out of my reach.”
Chuuya: Chuuya never had a normal childhood. His parents never loved him: they sold him, despite being lionized by everyone. Even when everyone considered them affable, they couldn't care less about the individuals who would go to war to protect them. Chuuya was not spared. They left him homeless and forced him to live in a box from the day he was born. The only reason he knows his name is because it was written on the box they left. It's as if they sold him while he was in the box and his life for more money because no one can ever have enough money, can they? He was abandoned to be abused in human experiments. He had his body torn apart, almost to death, with no restrictions, just to see what would happen. To a child, he is a loyal, loving, and dependent person; he who is like me and has a short temper, empathy, understanding, trust, and concern. A complex person, he is someone who loves everyone with kindness and constantly wants to protect the people he cares about passionately, deeply, resentfully, and trustfully. 22 years old.
Kouyou is a protective mother figure who overprotects her children. She adores Chuuya and treats him as if he was her own son and brother, despite the fact that she is only four years older than Chuuya. She lost her own family, which may explain why she treats others the way she does, especially Chuuya. Her family wasn't the only thing she lost: when the older mafia leader was around, he took the life of her only lover and left her feeling useless and unworthy of ever falling in love again. This turned her into having a hatred towards love itself, as well as herself and the now-deceased mafia leader. Blaming them for her loss of love, believing that love had deceived her. She lost all she cared about and the realm of glimmers, with savers accusing them of duping her now-deceased beloved.Those who choose to live in the world of light, the world of glimmers, believe that if something catastrophic happens, someone will come to their rescue. Relying in something so idiotic is foolish. They may as well dig their own graves; anyone who believes that someone will always be there for them is irrational. In a summary, everyone who believes that there are always individuals who are there for them. Don't have an inkling about what's going on in the world.
Mori: Mori, a 42 years old man, is a leader of the Port Mafia. He succeeded to the post by assassinating the previous boss. He previously worked in underground hospitals, treating dead bodies, ex; He has done everything including ripping apart dead bodies to using their body parts for someone else, to trafficking them.
and other such cases, and his love interest is the president of the Armed Detective Agency. Dazai worked for him for years after Mori discovered him in a hospital after Dazai attempted suicide by cutting off his vines.
Dazai: a suicidal man who seeks the meaning and significance,He wants to know what life is worth and why one should live it. When people are about to die, why do they yield in? Why does it have such a big impact on people? There is so much about life that one does not comprehend. What happens to those who die as a direct result of it? but has lost interest in staying alive or living his own life as a result of experiences in his own life, staying alive is nothing more than surviving in the eyes of others, but a lot more in your own. It has the aspect of a live corpse. Physically alive, yet intellectually dead. You aren't living; you are only engaged in a war with yourself and others, nothing less and always more. How can some Dazi live their lives while they are barely surviving? His own past, and the way he was treated by those around him. From how he sees the world, everyone is better than him: everyone has something, he lost everything when he was much younger. Everyone left him behind, forcing him to leave behind the reasons to keep pushing harder. He doesn't have nearly as much as he used to. He at least now has two motivations for doing so: one is that he will find a reason to keep going. He believes that one day he will discover why he should continue pushing forward after everything that has occurred. Alternatively, he will discover why others have chosen to live in such a demeaning environment. 'When should they bother?', 'what can they gain in such a degrading place?' They are just something even he cannot comprehend, how unwary he would feel if he died without knowing this would haunt him. But, after all, how can someone who isn't experienced with human emotions comprehend why humans may choose to live? He has nothing else within which to live, even if he chooses a delightful way of life that enriches his own. That is never enough to persuade him to change his views. He no longer wants to live as long as the past is still real; he can't, won't, and won't be able to. It's as fundamental as that. From what they can see, he's just a bandage-wasting machine. He has at least two motivations for doing so: one is that he will find a reason to keep going. He believes that one day he will discover why he should continue pushing forward after everything that has occurred. Alternatively, he will discover why others have chosen to live in such a demeaning environment. 'When should they bother?', 'what can they gain in such a degrading place?' They are just something even he cannot comprehend, how unwary he would feel if he died without knowing this would haunt him. But, after all, how can someone who isn't experienced with human emotions comprehend why humans may choose to live?
Story:
“And that was the moment when I knew it had all flown out of my reach.”
The closer I got to the address, the louder the wind sang. When I saw his small body lying beside a cliff, motionless and absolutely lifeless. Even a drunk nurse would be able to tell, I felt my body give out. The scene resembled a battle zone way too accurately. If you didn't know that no one was at war with anyone, you wouldn't be able to tell them apart. But if that was the case, what did my dearest ever do to end up like this?
My body gave up and I collapsed on the ground, falling off into a reminiscence of the boss's words to me on that faith-filled day. That was inscribed in my soul, in my life, and it's something I'll never forge. Even if it's only in my dreams. Have I passed away yet? Is it possible for me to continue now? Why am I in this dreadful position? With the one and only person who has ever made an attempt to persuade me? I'd always like to know if I wanted to go. It's impossible for me to be here without feeling guilty. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to keep going. I'm not going to be able to tolerate it much longer.
“Dazai” I heard a voice call out to me but there was no one around? That voice… It’s the boss.
I could hear a loud sound of something falling, perhaps even breaking apart, but not in the way that something is ripped apart, seemingly harmless, torn apart? And it was at that point that I felt excruciating anguish running through my entire body, ripping me apart from head to toe. And my grip on Chuuya grew even tighter; no matter what happened. I wasn't about to let go. That's all there is to it. Everything came to an end, everything was beyond my grasp, and it all continues to flow beyond my grasp. Even my own body has devolved into a corpse. I am no longer alive. No longer a human being.
"Dazai, could you perhaps explain why you are so eageravid to die? What do you stand to gain by taking your own life? What do you stand to gain? "What makes you want to die?"
“Tell me, boss, what good would it do to keep working so hard? What benefit can I derive from this pathetic, demeaning environment in which you have chosen to reside? Never in my life have I felt as if I belonged anywhere as if I am not human…I admit I forgot what it meant to be human. I lost my emotions. It's difficult for me to express myself. When I no longer feel anything, I can’t be unhappy in this world and I cannot express joy of that sort."
“The conversation used to recur in my head. Was this the boss's method of ensuring my survival? Or was it that Monster, as you believed? “Hey, chib, can you talk to me? Hey… Speak!.” I dropped my head slowly so I could look into Chuuya's small eyes, but the little man I adored was long gone. For the first time since he had me as his only lover suicidal, he has abandoned me. I'm sure Chuuya was tired of continually wishing he could be human, even though he couldn't.
I've always dreaded telling him this, but it's the truth. Whatever happened, he was never able to get what he wanted. All he wanted was to fit in with the rest of society. He didn't want to be someone who could be easily neglected; he wanted to be loved. I'll never fully comprehend how he thought he could be easily neglected by everyone, but that was exactly all I was, an individual who didn't belong anywhere and that everything was out of reach for me. Death is covering me like a blank ready to kill when I'm ready to comment on a clear suicide that would not harm anyone. After all, who wants to be in a place where they don't feel at ease? Is this a world where I was never supposed to be? Is this a place that just brings us sorrow and pain? Is this a society where they only experience loss and pain? A place ruled completely by self-centered individuals who, without even recognizing it, are continually manipulating one another? I'm glad he won't be in pain any longer, but what's that strange feeling I'm having again? Is this what you'd call being despondent? I had a bit of a laugh…
"No one would notice if I killed myself; just how foolish did I have to be to lose him?!"
“Hahahahahahahahahaha……….”
As I finally let go of everything, tears began to crush me. What was the point of all the suffering I was subjected to? For all these years, I had to go through all that my parents forced me to go through, even though I had to witness individuals suffer in front of my eyes. Every week that I went without eating simply to feel human, all of the frigid days that I lived homeless, sleepless nights, the pain of drowning, being beaten nearly to death by my own. I could hear a voice crying out loud as my lungs began to fail, I became dehydrated, and it wasn't long before I realized it was myself shouting.
While his body lay motionless, I provoked every memory I had with him, including all of the rare smiles. Every single one of his laughter and applause. When he raged at me while bawling his eyes out, blaming me for attempting suicide when we're married. I've lost everything, and there's nothing left for me; not even his vows in this world even though he's not here.
I'd always clung to him in this gruesome world, and now I know he's gone, and it's solely my fault. If only I'd arrived a tiny little bit sooner, he wouldn't be like this. I was only a lair at the moment.
“My life has been a perpetual source of shame and humiliation. I can't imagine what it must be like to live a human life any longer, but I still do”.
"Do you think Kouyou would trust me if I told you or her the truth? Wouldn't you think I'm a jerk? Was I a fool to believe him when he swore he'd keep it a secret? Is it a mistake that I fell for the same trick twice? Because of him, I feared that day would be the end of me. I didn't think I’d be able to go on. I don't want to say anything wrong, and I regret saying anything to him. I'm sorry that he betrayed the one and only trust I had in him; I felt like pulling my soul out of my body. Nevertheless, he taught me a lesson that I needed to learn. The lesson I learned was that it’s far easier to never put your trust in someone. Never will I ever do that again. So, I apologize for not being able to tell you all that happened to me. Would you believe me if I told you everything that happened to me? Please, Chuuya, open your eyes.”
I could sense my eyes were hurting from crying so much, yet there was " I'm the monster, aren't I Chib? There is nothing I can do anymore. Hahaha, I'm the Big Bad Wolf..... I'm the biggest, worst monster that has ever existed because no one is worse than me." As I began to speak, I could hear myself collapse.
“All I feel are anxiety and terror at the prospect of becoming the only one who is completely different from everyone else. It's nearly impossible for me to communicate with others. What shall I say, and how shall I say it? I'm not sure so when I’m put on the spot I just say the first thing that came to my mind”
"There is no ease in keeping my sentiments hidden... If there is anything else you want to know, just say it and I'll tell you whatever you need to know... Perfectly alright?” I did everything I could to avoid breaking down on my words. God, how long has it been since I've broken down like this? I never want to go through this again.
"Even if you had to, you may as well. Couldn't you have waited for me to die with you, Chuuya? You know better than anyone that I've always wanted to flee this place, and you know how much I succumbed, and you decided to die alone on your own in a war zone-like place?” I tried my hardest to smile through everything, as I always did; but I was trying to hold the body of my beloved husband, the one who tried to reach out and care for me when I was at my lowest point in life. I wanted to be with him, and perhaps the closest I could get to having that dream would be if I jumped off the cliff that I was at? I knew I was smart, haha.
“And that was the moment when I knew it had all flown out of my reach.”
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