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Sep 15
fiction 2 comments
navigator

Screenplay- House of the Scorpion

Dark Chemistry Lab, liquids and tubes everywhere.

                  LISA-It's ok.
                  EDUARDO- How can it be okay?
                  LISA- The cells were frozen over a hundred years ago, they can't be as healthy as ones taken yesterday.
                  EDUARDO- Whoa, that long?
                  LISA- But some of them should grow  
Eduardo looks at embryo, and starts speaking.
                  EDUARDO- You hold my life in your hands little one.
Black Screen
 
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Posted: 09.15.17
About the Author: navigator
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Discussion

Comments

  1. Fiona Ella
    Sep 15, 2017

    Another screenwriter! Aha! I've been wondering if there are any others on this site.
    Anyways, I haven't read House of the Scorpion, but this part raises a lot of questions. I want to know more. Is it a teaser of some kind? It makes me wonder.
    Small formatting detail: when you state a location (i.e., dark chemistry lab) it should be in capital letters in a heading, along with the time, day or night. Your description--liquids and tubes everywhere--would go in the next line. When a character speaks, their name is more or less centered (not exactly, but it's the closet I can get in a YWP text box) above their dialogue.
    Also, one small thing that tripped me up: when you mention Eduardo looking at the embryo, for a second I thought, "wait, there's an embryo!" If you want the presence of the embryo to just be revealed in that line, I'd suggest that you mention right then that this is the first time we've seen the embryo--if not, you should probably mention at the beginning of the scene that there's an embryo involved as well as the liquids and tubes.
    Anyhow, liked the questions this raised and was absolutely thrilled to see another screenwriter on YWP. Nicely done.
    Also, sorry for the ridiculously long comment.

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  1. navigator
    Sep 15, 2017

    Thank you for the input!

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