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May 15
poem 4 comments
Nightheart

How to Lose Your Name

You lose your name
in a language that gives
your name vowels like
curdled milk.

You lose your name 
after hearing
all the variations
that are not your name.

You lose your name
in the eyes of new teachers
or substitutes, in that moment
they cringe when they 
see your name at 
the top of the list.

You lose your name
when you meet new people 
and your heart falls because
you don't even care to 
explain to them how to say it
anymore.

You lose your name
when everybody calls you 
by the other name, the wrong
name, that haunts you all
day long, lurking even in
the shadows until you want to shout:
That's not my name!
 
You lose your name
when your friends 
correct the substitutes because
you don't even care enough 
to correct them
anymore.

You lose your name
after you start to introduce yourself
with their name for you,
the wrong one.

You lose your name
when you start calling yourself
by the wrong name.

You lose your name.

And when you say
your real name 
on stage,
you will feel 
a moment of pride,

but then you will
start to tear up
as you feel a part 
of your heart start
to chip off because
even though that 
other name was wrong,
it was still your name.

And you lose your name.
Again and
Again and
Again and
Again.

Because when people
like me come
to this country,
we always lose our names. 


 
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Posted: 05.15.18
About the Author: Nightheart
"The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion"- Albert Camus
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Discussion

Comments

  1. Saia_Patel
    May 15, 2018

    Wow....This was really puissant. I loved that you took a new approach on the trials and tribulations of coming to America. I hadn't really thought about immigrants losing their names, and some part of themselves. Thanks for the new perspective, Nightheart!

    poetry is eternal graffiti written in the heart of everyone

    - lawrence ferlinghetti

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  1. SilverGoose
    May 16, 2018

    The first stanza with the "vowels like / curdled milk" is really vivid. This comparison is so strong, I can feel the clumpy grossness of it. It adds a new texture. A lot of people use visual imagery but not everyone uses tactile imagery. Great job.

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  1. gg
    May 17, 2018

    And to think I mispronounced your name upon seeing you the other night, me who always has his name pronounced wrong, who always tells people the "g" is soft when followed by "e," except, of course, when it isn't. I will remember next time, not necessarily because of this poem, but because I know, inside, that it is important to say someone's name correctly, to preserve their name as they know it.

    I am so honored by your presence on this site. I was so moved by your performance last Friday night. thank you.

    gg

    YWP founder. Current work: Instagram, Mastodon and https://geoffreygevalt.com
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  1. adalet
    Jun 02, 2018

    I love this- it reminds me of "My Name" by Sandra Cisneros. Your writing style is beautiful and this poem is very powerful.

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