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Aug 18
fiction 4 comments challenge: Grief
Gentchos's picture
Gentchos

grief

Grief stood alone, The music was loud, to loud. He felt a soft familiar hand slide onto his shoulders. “Hello.” whispered Denial. Grief didn’t answer. He knew whatever he said she would deny.

“Hello, Denial.”

“Hello, Grief.”

“Nice Party.”

“Can't say the same.” Then she slipped away, leaving Grief alone once again. Grief saw Anger coming over. Anger was mean. He didn’t have any sort of filter and words simply slipped right out of his mouth. Anger pushed others aside and stormed up to Grief.

“You ok?” Asked Grief in a particularly calm tone, not moving his eyes from the floor which they were placed.

“NO!” Anger balled his fisted up and ran off. Leaving lonely Grief to his thoughts, quickly accompanied by Manipulation. Grief hated Manipulation. She always got what she wanted and gave more than she had. “Hello, Manipulation.” Grief gave a quick unwelcoming smile.

“Hey, grief!” She called out. Grief ignored her knowing that in someway or another she would end up talking to him. She always managed too. A few moments later Manipulation were talking to Grief. She quickly left after hearing some gossip about Bribery. Grief was left yet alone. He saw Acceptance alone as well. This surprised him. She had many friends and was a very happy person. He walked up to acceptance and put his hand in her hand. They stayed like that for a while.  She didn’t leave grief. Everyone but her, because the stages of grief pass. You will soon accept your msitakes. 

 
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Posted: 08.18.16
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About the Author: Gentchos
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Discussion

Comments

  1. Worlds.Within.Words
    Aug 18, 2016

    Such a cool idea, and I love the ending! I think you could expand on it even more (both the ending and the entire piece): it seems a bit bare-bones right now, very straightforward, and it could have more substance. That being said, if this is the style you want, you made it work.
    My favorite line is, "She always got what she wanted and gave more than she had." Intriguing. But then the part about Manipulation ends too quickly in my opinion, and the wording of the last three sentences was confusing. Maybe revisit that.
    All in all, nice job! You managed to turn this piece into a haunting Inside Out style piece with a great message.

    "I say I want to save the world but really/I want to write poems all day"
    -Dorothea Lasky

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  1. pianolady
    Aug 19, 2016

    I also totally thought of Inside Out when I read this! If you haven't seen it & you have access to it, totally watch it! Super cool movie, I think you'd like the way it's set up. Aside from that, I really enjoyed this piece! I want it to be longer, honestly...I want to get to know the characters better.

    they/them or she/her, sophiacannizzaropoetry.wordpress.com :)

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  1. EmilyAnne
    Aug 19, 2016

    I like how you put a new perceptive on this idea of grief and the stages we all go through. It's fresh and interesting. Very nice work.

    "To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard."
    -Allen Ginsberg

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  1. Reid
    Sep 28, 2016

    A fresh take on the steps of grief -- really well done! I see where Worlds.Within was going with the comment about expanding on it -- and that could take you to all sorts of interesting places -- but I'm quite fond of the bare-bones approach. It works here. We're sending this to the Free Press for Oct. 7 -- check it out!

    YWP Executive Director
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