Bee.Lover

I look in the mirror 

Like any girl my age

But I'm repulsed in horror 

At what is on stage

I look at those numbers 

Wait for them to go down again 

114, 113, 112

I know I can't

Wait forever for

That girl to come back

Yet I can't turn 

A new page or

Start on a new chapter 

I think I need her

I'm so afraid 

It's not love

That died long ago 

And in it's wake

Left only lust

Sinful thoughts like never before 

It's engulfing my life

My mind

I can't think 

I fight everything 

To not turn back

To not run away

But my eyes still 

Land on her face

My feet become rooted 

In the ground

My heart twists

In my chest

Sometimes I dream of you

Our future, our past, and us now

Usually I end up breaking apart 

Listening to your words

Making my world hell

And then I wake up

The truth floods back

My father texted me on Valentine's day 

Three years ago I would've responded

But this year I asked who it was

I had deleted his contact 

I don't regret it 

Because my dad died years ago