Posts
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Life goes on
it was bound to happen eventually
the death of a best friend
but now
now is a bad time
on hannukkah
what kind of a miracle is that?
now im miserable
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Shedding our skin
It's December already
I've been alive for over thirteen years
over thirteen years of learning and growing
making mistakes and accomplishing feats
of finding myself and uncovering layers in not only myself
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Best friend
Your new-ish house
your dog sleeping on the rug
my family and your family chatting comfortably
your kitchen with your hot chocolate
the fun spinny stools at the kitchen island
that's one of my happy places
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Acceptance
When we see flaws in ourselves
we withdraw from society
curl in on ourselves
trying to hide from our insecurities.
The thing is
people struggle to understand
that their faults are a part of themselves
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Yesterday, today, and tomorrow
Yesterday
you looked in the mirror
said to yourself,
ugh
I look ugly
she's so ugly
ew
last week
you saw your reflection in the window
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Me vs myself
What is this
you know what this is
it scares me
it's real
I don't like this
don't deny it
I don't know what to do about it
it's not the end of the world
Loves
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maybe next year I'll remember
December already?
That's what everyone else says.
People ask us at the end
of every year
to reflect on these last twelve months
that have changed us.
And I honestly never know
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Stay
I saw a photo of our band from last year
our Wind Ensemble
the intern we all fell in love with
the conductor we adore
everyone was together
and I just...
gah.
I wanted to yell STAY
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Looking back at my photos on an old walkman at 9 p.m.
Sack race
thirteenth birthday party
start of seventh grade.
My two BFFs since kindergarten,
the one that slipped in from fourth grade,
the two I met in fifth -
then of course my party girlfriends
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Smiling into my pillow
How lucky am I?
To feel loved?
In a household and a family and a school that makes me feel not worth it
not good enough
and I found someone outside of it all who loves me?
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The East Wind
The East Wind is a rabbi in a darkened shul. He sits pored over the Torah scroll long into the night, his back bent like a cane. People come and go and come again, whispering prayers for the needy, the hungry, the sick.
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Fourteen - expectations
You get older
nothing gets easier.
Everything only gets worse.
I have mountains of expectations
over fourteen years of my life
it feels like so much
it's so little