Inkpaw

I throw my self upwards
clawing my sheets off
pulling my sleeves up 
and checking 
to make sure the scars I saw in my dream 
aren't real 
they're not
thank god

my breathing slows 

If I brought you to life
Dear computer 
If I poured all of myself into you
And gave you feeling
Would you 
Dear machine 
Would you wonder what your purpose in life is
Other than pleasing me?

 

sun beams through the black window shades 
cutting into my solitary slumber 
and awakening me from a world I'd rather live in

I stare at the alarm clock
"damn it."
I say
I slept through the alarm again

sometimes I scream just I can hear my own voice
in this silence my thoughts are louder than any drum
my heartache sticking to me
like a tack in my thumb 
I yell to know I exist 
in this solitary confinement 

I am 
who I am 
I can't change that.
I know that I'm different
so I'd better embrace it
I know what I think about 
every night 
or rather early morning 
is not what most would consider right

I let my arms reach up to the sky 
and my fingertips graze the sun 
my wordless song 
painting feeling 
onto the canvas white mountains 
in this moment 
I am everything