The day I started first grade it suddenly hit me that I was really in a wheelchair. It bothered me to see all of the other kids living “normal” lives, not being stared at from every direction. That was the year I learned that there were so many things I couldn’t do because my wheelchair prevented it. I realized people looked at me differently because they didn’t have insight on my disability and all they could see was that I was wheelchair bound. It took me a long time after that to learn that I was born with a disability that would play a part in my everyday life. I also learned it didn’t define me. Reading Emily Bernard’s book Black Is The Body really showed me that I am not the only one who is viewed differently. Whether that be because of disabilities, looks or race. In fact, the search for one's identity is complicated and multilayered.
In Bernard’s chapter “Teaching The N-Word” she was trying to teach her student’s not to make generalizations about her blackness. She was a black teacher teaching at UVM and most of her students were white. She doesn’t want her students to assume she is the same as all of the African American people she is teaching them about. She tells her students: “Not to confuse my body with the body of the book” (24). I connected to this passage because for a very long time I felt that nobody really saw me. They only saw my wheelchair. They viewed me as just another kid in a wheelchair. I feel that there were constant stereotypes made that all people in wheelchairs were the same. What others were saying to me really got to my head. Whenever anyone would state that I am just a girl in a wheelchair, I believed it. I lost insight on the potential that I did have despite the struggles that came along with being in a wheelchair. It took me a long time to realize that I was more than my disability. This is an example of how the search for one's identity can be complicated and multi-layered.
In Bernard’s chapter “Her Glory” she was stating what backlash she felt from people when she made the choice to keep her daughters’ hair short when they were young. She was a mother raising two black children facing the stereotypical way that society expected them to live. To all be the same. African Americans are known to have long tight braids, dreadlocks or puffy hair, not short hair. She wants people to have insight on the fact that not every African American is the same. They don’t have to dress the same, have their hair the same or talk the same. They can be different. She states: “As dazzling as I found my bald headed babies, and as much as I resented the straight jacket of conventional beauty standards, particularly when it comes to black girls, the thought, once rooted, bloomed quickly” (124). While reading this passage I really felt that I could connect to her experiences. Not because of my hair, my clothes or my face, but because of my legs. My legs don’t work like other people’s, and that caused kids to see me as someone who wasn’t “normal.” I didn’t meet the standards of an average first grader. The students viewed me differently because I was one out of the very few kids in public school who were handicapped. It took me a long time to discover my true identity and it was very difficult. Many emotions came along with searching within myself to find my worth despite my disability. That can also be applicable to people facing racism. This is an example of how the search for one’s identity can be complicated and multi-layered.
In Bernard’s chapter “Going Home,” she explains how after her mother died she chose to dig deeper into her family’s history. She dug deep into her family history so she could learn about their past; To learn about how her upbringing made her who she is today as an adult. Her mother never wanted to visit her home town and she stayed away as much as possible, but while Emily was visiting she says “Returning to Hazelhurt was never an option, but she is here, in the faces and memories of my aunts, cousins and other family members who never left.” (176) Emily believed that looking into the stories from her mother’s childhood and hers would help her better discover who she is as a person. Before having this knowledge about her family she felt that she was missing something. A part of herself. She states: “I have always been greedy for stories about my mother’s family, even before she died and I became overwhelmed with the continuous sensation of being unmoored. For many years I believed that in these stories were clues to who I was, and who I would become” (176). I related to this passage because when I was younger, my mother was very distant from her family. I only knew very few of my relatives on her side of the family until I was thirteen years old and decided to reach out to more family on my own. My situation with my, fathers family was the same. I grew up wanting to know my family. I felt deprived of not being able to live a normal life because I didn’t know anything about my family's history. It was a very weird experience for me to get to know my family when I had lived my whole childhood without them. But it was a blessing to have that opportunity and it truly helped me evolve and it made a graceful change in my teenage years. Not knowing your family when you're young can put a barrier between you and your mental and emotional growth. Getting to know them as you're older will help you evolve and find your true self. It will help you understand your inner identity, Even when it can seem complicated and multi-layered.
Many people may ask how can a book mean so much to somebody? How can its detailed information speak such high volumes to somebody? Well, the answers to those questions can be very multi-layered and hard to identify. When reading a book you can’t just read it and close it. You have to really throw yourself into it. Take things from the book and ask yourself, how can I connect this author's statement or experience to my life? Let the book speak to your soul. Look into the context and think in depth about what it means to you. The book Black Is The Body really spoke to me. It spoke to me because although most of Emily Bernard’s book was based on race it also had a lot of insight on who she was as a person. Details about her inner-self. Not just the outside, not just her looks. But her personality, abilities, potential and so much more. It helped me look at myself and remind myself I am not just “the girl in the wheelchair” that I once felt that I was in first grade. I have a personality, potential and I am worthy of just as much in life as everyone else. I am me and it is ok to be different.
[By Jordynne McKinstry, Emily Silver, Thetford Academy, English 10, April 18th 2023]
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