the american dream

i toured six different colleges over the past week

& i didn't care about the clubs

                                             athletics

                                             academics; i was

busy wondering & asking myself

would i be safe here

would i be accepted here or 

would i be locked away so the institution

can keep their federal money. i am

sixteen years old - a junior in high school - & yet

all of a sudden my future

requires more thought than it should. i should be

going out with my friends

posting fun stories on instagram

enjoying "the best years of my life" but instead

i have a subscription to every major news network

i have a job in case my college grants get pulled

i have a pen always twirling between my fingers

itching to write on every surface available

because no one will listen to me 

if they see the face behind the pen. i should be

living the american dream & soaking up

the freedoms i have because i'm

white and AFAB; instead, i'm preparing for 

the american nightmare & soaking up

all the information i can

i won't be caught off-guard

i won't lose my footing

my friends have to be protected

this time.

it has to be different this time.