Beautiful Lies Foregone

Should I continue this lie

that I am finding this world to be okay?

That I'm comfortable as I worry every time I 

show my shoulders because 

what if

this is the day that I'll remember with

one more whisper or smirk or stare

because I can't anymore pretend that being a girl

doesn't suck as boys say they have it so much harder

that periods are nothing and not having them

as a girl means your either slowly dying inside to out

or pregnant far too early

and the expectations are nothing

and the threats and stares

to take more from us than already

and the professional expectations

or the trad wife trends

or or OR

and

and 

AND

nothing is ever going to be okay if 

everyone is dismissed.

I won't be okay if I keep pretending

that everything is fine when

everyone around me is grasping

at their stomachs as the cramps

come and mine never does

because I'm still recovering

from the last two years

the last 2160 meals 

on average

were in the trash

as well as my digestive system.

It's because of the stares and being told 

to do this and that and everything

and they would get mad if you didn't

but if you did then they were mad

because you aren't skinny enough

to do it so get back to that workout already

even when I was at 90 pounds

skin and bones is a phrase I thought 

was a hyperbole till my muscles were stripped away

too and it hurt to even move at all

and I was so tired.

So guess what, against all judgement

and opportunities being healthy gives

I kept following the family legacy till the end

where my best friend was already there waiting

patiently

to catch me even

after I pushed everyone else away.

This is not my story, this is 

a far too common story with my details

vaguely outlined

and if you are going through this

you are enough and someone out there loves you enough

to tell you that you are good enough now

on the outside and everyone who judges

is not good enough on the inside.

There is a way out and the cliff does not have to swallow 

you so please

if you needed to hear this

I hope that you eat when your hungry and

you dress how you want to

and you smile only when you want to

and everyone else deserves the beauty

you are.