Before

I miss the days

Where we would run through the fields

And swim in the pond all day

Smiling and using kayaks

I miss the nights 

Where we would read books and laugh about the smallest things

I want to go back

To taking more risks

And telling people how much I like them

Because now

I don’t run because I don’t want to fall

Or swim all day because I’m worried about

The last time I put sunscreen on

I no longer read as much

Because I’m doing homework

And stressing over whether it’s good or not

I don’t take as many risks 

Because I don’t want to get hurt

And I don’t tell him how much I like him

Because I’m wondering if he likes me

Or if it will ruin our relationship

Those were the days

Where I made up songs

And sang them to the forest

The trees and squirrels, silent, listening 

The afternoons where I would go sledding

Or jumping in the snow

Or the times where we would make up handshakes

And do Tik Tok dances that our friends knew

But now

I don’t make up songs

Because I think they are terrible and the words don't work

I don’t sled 

Because I don’t like to walk back up the hill

And I try to avoid the little dances

Because I think I’m going to be the one person 

In the group who will mess it up

But normally

That isn’t the way it is

I wish I could go back to the days

Where I didn’t care.