the broken record

I tried slamming the door, 

Staying quiet, listening, keeping myself locked up, 

Pretending it wasn’t real, 

But it always lurked. 

Behind her closed door as she re organized her jewelry collection for the millionth time. 

Out in the backyard with the dog, as I watched the glow from the kitchen window. 
 

Deep within the cold silence after dinner, 

My inability to love enough to care shone through. 

Her words repeat. 

Break down the door.

Flood my mind as I fall asleep, and drown out the sound of the music I put on just to distract myself. 

I want to care. 

Why can’t I find it in my heart to be loving, kind, everything a good daughter is supposed to be?

How can I win? 

Alone in the dark I sit free of emotions, but full of regret. 

It’s been too long since I last said what I thought.