bug zappers

i feel like i don’t know you anymore. 

i barely recognize your face at this point 

all your city friends hate me 

playful kisses in the comments 

much more sinister then they seem

it's a reprise of 
my adolescent thoughts
ones i had pushed away 
ones the little capsules of 
blue and orange had suppressed. 
but those capsules sometimes 
stuck in my throat, 

you make me feel trapped,
struggling to get free. 
you hold everything you've ever done for me,
dangle it over my head 
and taunt me with its existence. 
you use your favors as bargaining chips