building blocks

I'm the kind of person
who knows the names of all the countries in
Europe
and most of the ones in the whole world.
I plan everything
(except for spontaneity) and
rely on calendars and notes
to remind me what day it is
which explains why I hate it when people
round up
time.
I'm pretty convinced that my soul speaks french
because each word I learn is like a treasure
and sometimes
at night I feel a pulling toward somewhere far away.
I'm the girl in your class who everyone likes but isn't really best friends with anyone
who loves politics
and who everyone hates to go after during
presentations.
I can't braid hair or paint my fingernails to 
save my life
and I'm no fashion icon
but I love the clothes I wear (mostly)
though I think I'm allergic to shopping (also skateboarding).
I think being starstruck is overrated and demeaning
but that doesn't stop me from watching
old YouTube clips late at night of people who make me laugh
SNL, 30 Rock, The US Office.
Not that I've ever met anyone really famous (except for Marianne Williamson)
but I'd like to think
I would make an impression on at least one of 
them
enough for them to remember
the girl who looked them in the eye 
and asked a few questions.
I used to know what would happen when I grew up
actress, lawyer, president
but now life is like a collection of riddles
and I can't solve any.
I figure by college I'll at least have an idea
but
time is running out and I'm still
wading through trenches and
hiding in small corners.
My teacher told us to write about resilience
but isn't it enough that I get out of bed every morning even though
I can't remember the past month
and each minute is like a time warp.
Yet somehow I still find a way to keep dreaming
trying to decide
everything
and 
nothing
To be honest, I'm not sure what I am waiting for
but I can taste it in the air
and I can only hope its coming.