cry?

cry 

i cry

all the time

when things get bad

again, and again, and again

and i feel useless and stupid

because my best friend is crying too

and i should be there for her instead,

instead of making everything about me yet again.

and i lie to my mother, saying i'm fine

when the enormous weight of her and my dads expectations

weigh down on my weak shoulders, burying me in endless sorrow

the type that drowns you in waves, slowly, then all at once

at least my GPA is 4.0, and at least i'm still perfect 

and at least i can fit into the frame they have built for me

because i need to be their image of excellence, until i break down in tears.

i am afraid of love because i am afraid of falling and heartbreak and being left

afraid franklin will leave me, because maybe he will realize i am not perfect in any way

but he said yes so isn't it his fault if my heart gets shattered in two? is it?

or is it my fault for letting mysef fall for him, wait, have i fallen for him? i think…

i think it's too early to tell, if i have fallen for him. it's only been a month now.

i can't stop finding the millions of words that describe the feeling of tears, slipping, pouring, raining down, drowning me. 

weakness slips out of my eyes, the liquid stars pour down my face, the salty water from my eyes drowns me

but it's never enough, so google, help me, say it oppositely but the same, prove it still sounds beautiful, different

La faiblesse s'échappe de mes yeux, des étoiles liquides ruisselent sur mon visage, l'eau salée de mes yeux me noie, encore une fois