different

i'm different from how i was a week ago

a week ago, i could remember so many days,

and i would've never considered joining cheer.

a week ago, she and i were still friends.

a week ago, i didn't feel like crying. 

i was confident, i loved how i looked.

or i didn't, i can't remember.

i'm different from how i was a month ago.

last month was september,

and i can't remember any of it.

except that one evening.

we went out on the town and explored the old buildings in my hometown 

we drank expensive drinks,

and i watched the sun setting as it was pouring rain

all inside the warm Italian restaurant.

i was so happy then...

i'm different from how i was this summer.

i always felt pretty

i felt as if i was in a movie, floating.

the New York trip, sand in the floorboards, warm water and coconut creme dr. pepper

clean white sheets and humid, salty air.

my birthday, feeling more grown up and staying up until 3 am.

shopping trips for shoes and shorts, eating all the food i want

what happened to summer me?

i'm so different from how i was a year ago.

i would've laughed if anyone asked if i wanted to join cheer

i would've told you life is life, and it goes on

i would've told you everything that was happening in my life

now i am a cheerleader,

now i just want to go back in time

now i hide what i'm going through, because i know i'm a burden

i'm a completely different person from who i was two years ago.

i don't even recognize myself.

but maybe, just maybe thats a good thing.

because i have come so far.

and right now may feel like i'm going through hell again,

but at least i made it this far.

i'm so much better now, in some ways.