a different kind of heaven

i want to hold the glassy
tears that fell from the sky
when they told me
that god was crying.

my breaths are quickening
as i run to them, the air
pushing me back into the
earth from which i sprung from.

my teeth are gritted as
i shout in frustration because
no matter what i do, the
thick clouds of loneliness
will not part.

i don’t know what to do
when i feel the cool knife
of truth dig into my
skin, drawing rich blood 
in rivers of red.

i can still hear the laughter
from above me as i fell
into the frigid water, heaving
my last breaths into the
murky, rippling pond.

i can still see him standing
above me as i sank further down
into the depths, my hand reaching
for his, and as my vision went
dark, i realized that tears don’t feel
nearly as hot underwater.

my pain doesn’t feel real as
sad, grey wings sprout from my
tired shoulders, trying
in vain to lift my heavy soul.

...

i keep sinking.