duct tape

I'm sorry—

Sorry that I keep getting stuck in that well;

Sorry for always relying on your rope;

Sorry for putting all my guts on display;

Sorry for influencing you to decide like me;

Sorry for keeping you up until it's time to wake up;

Sorry for over talking and being dramatic

And thank you, for putting up with this mess.

Thank you—

Thanks for letting me run my stupid mouth again;

Thanks for asking me if I'm alright when I clearly wasn't;

Thanks for not spilling all my secrets like they're for others to see;

Thanks for being one of the best friends I've ever had

And I'm sorry, when I rip your trust into pieces. 

I'm fine—

My day has been hell and it's just getting worse;

I'm pretending to be happy but it's too hard now;

I am scared all the time and my thoughts are like TV static;

My body feels like it's slowly degrading with every shake;

I don't know how to manage this entropy of bones;

I desperately need to have someone else know the ghosts in my head

And I know, this is not your problem.

It's okay—

My heart sinks every time you talk to her;

My body feels like it's crushed when you say you're busy;

I feel trapped by my own friends and stuck in my own head;

I can't get rid of the darkness infecting my veins

And I know, I could never say any of this

I don't want to be correct about how much you hate me.

So I just shut my lips tightly together,

And go back to being an invisible face

With not a word to say.

The air to breathe imprisoned and duct taped

Because I know I never matter anyway.