the fact

the pathways of my mind intersect and wind

curling until they turn to infinite spirals

leading to darkness I couldn't see the end of if I tried.

my mind doesn't listen when I tell it to stop.  

I can only stand by 

helpless and burnt out,

as it calculates

and analyzes 

and plots revenge 

on things I know

and love

and will never love again. 

the worst pain of all is that I love to think

to understand

to comprehend

but distortions take over. 

like a fun house mirror,

they twist the truth

choke reality

erasing dreams

until they're dead 

and ready to be buried in depths of the brain. 

they make it so that I hate to think

make me change my ways and drown my thoughts

now I mourn the thoughts I never had

the ones that died with my passions

and my loves

the ones that held promise

and even those that held pain

because thinking was human

and without thought

it's hard to feel. 

to trust. 

to dream. 

without feeling

I am no longer human. 

without thought

the unknown will slowly eat me alive.