falling

A feeling in my stomach when I see his face,
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I wish I could see us together,
But nothing works
Daydreams, seeing your face
Everything breaks me again

I see my reflection, and I'm 
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A piece of me, broken yet whole
Falling deep into the metaphor we call life
Something and nothing
All makes some sense while making none

I watch a movie, a simple kiss
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Wishing that was me
In his arms
Waiting to be held,
Something innocent
But still love

I lie in bed after a long day
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Tears streaming down my face
Am I supposed to be okay?
Because those words
Eat at me
Killing me slowly
Suffocating

I wake from that dream 
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Aching to forget
My arms shaking
Eyes wet
Nothing right about that
Just a dream

1 in the morning
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Looking at my notifications
Ruining my sleep schedule
Just to see 
If they really care

I no longer want what I wished for
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Nothing is the same as it was
Nothing will ever be the same as it was
The rain streaks down the car window
A tear finds its way down my face

"I'm fine, seriously…"
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A lie. 
A smile.
Something they all believe,
Even when the same fabrication
Fell from their mouth

No more 
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I want to take control
Get rid of the pain falling has caused
I miss the life I had before I started to break
But I am grateful for the life I found after the fall