Flower Vase

When we hold hands
we notice our heartbeats 
dont match anymore

it has been 2 years
and we have gotten nowhere
treading in place for a while now
and the future was dimming

you moved in to spark us up a bit
it was fun at first
tea in the morning
your arms wrapped around me like a vise
but then the tea got cold
and your grip got looser 

the tv shined realtionships
nothing like ours
i would glance over
your eyes were glazed over
your hands in your lap
i looked down at my feet

i would pick flowers
buy a card
a nice dinner with dessert
you'd be busy from morning till dusk
dirty and grimy and hot 
grumpy and tired
you'd go to bed without me
the flowers would go unnoticed and wilt
in the middle of our kitchen table
i ate alone

your time got tight
and work was busy
i was busy too
our hours filled up our time and we started to miss one another
or at least i did 

you came home one night early 
your mouth a grim line but your eyes were sparkiling 
you got dressed neater then usaual 
showered
left for jury duty
i double checked the mail 
i hated it when you lied

you would come home and leave again
excuses were flying left and right
i finally stopped cooking for two 
the flower vase went back into storage
decided to save it for someone else

when i packed your bags and told you to leave 
you did not even hesitate 
removed your ring
let it thunk against the kitchen table
and left

a girl picked you up
she was taller and leaner then me
her hair shinnning in the golden light of the late afternoon
you drove away with her, your head back in laughter
i stood at the window for a long time

finally, i went to bed
i stripped the sheets and removed everything that you ever touched from my room and threw it in the trash
its hard to say when i fell asleep 
i woke up and it was bright
the sun bleched the walls 
i let myself fall into the glow of the light
the flower vase went back onto the table
not for him 
not for anyone else, actually
for me