future

I am scared

Because my best friend is not ok anymore and is moving across the country

Because I don’t know if I will succeed in college and I ignored so many things on my to-do list

Because my parents are going to be four hours away again, and not right down the hall

Because every time I open social media, I see news that keeps me up at night, and all I can do is wave a sign and write poetry

I am scared because  I have stopped writing poems every day, stopped reading, and stopped making art except for the stuff for my class

Because my phone has become an addiction that I don't know how to fix anymore

I’ll watch movies till four in the morning to ignore how I’m not ok and pretend nothing is wrong at all

Because I thought college would help me love my body, and instead, I’ve gained weight and lost confidence 

But maybe this is part of growing up 

My aunt said I am ok just the way I am

that life is scary and hard... very, very hard.

So I'll take a deep breath and keep going, 

I'll keep dreaming about getting a master's and teaching art to kids, 

I'll start believing in myself like my mom, my aunt, and my little cousins do. 

They think I shine like the sun.