Him

He doesn’t look at me
Like I look at him
I know exactly what he does at recess
Where he eats lunch
His middle name
I know what books he likes
What video games
I’ve slept in the same room with him
Put my head on his shoulder
Stared into his big brown eyes for minutes and minutes
Told him secrets
Helped him with homework
Home on vacation with him every year for three years
Written him emails with butterflies in my stomach
Imagined our first kiss hundreds of times because it helps me fall asleep

He doesn’t know that I’ve been half in love with him since first grade, because I don’t have the guts to tell him. I don’t want it to ruin our friendship. 

We’re in seventh grade now.

I’ve tried so hard to move on. Like someone else. But I always come back to him. Jack, Justin, Pietro, and Rafael lasted weeks if not days. 

Even after I moved across the country and back

Even though he doesn’t talk to me at school anymore

Even though he responds to my texts with one word

Even though we are only friends when our families hang out

I reattach to this crush every. single. time.

It’s not fair. I don’t know how to give up on him. And if he ever likes someone else, I don’t think my heart will ever recover.