i curse the gods of the land and sky for letting you suffer

i don’t want to read the news anymore, since when did it get so personal?
an earthquake came and went and left thousands dead,
i’ve spent so much time criticizing god, now here’s me praying—
and i can’t finish that sentence because we all know the statistics;
you’re just a number away, life and death are just separated by a tally mark
a building that crumbled; i can’t look at these pictures anymore.

you’re more than just a statistic to me.
i hope god doesn’t take you away from us;
they say that entire complexes went down in dust
like they were nothing more than cards—
this is getting hard, because i can see your smile, hear your voice
when the death tolls come, the tone of the radio woman doesn’t change
she’s indifferent. but i’m clenching and unclenching this glass,
i can see why they drink.

if a toddler was rescued, you can be rescued too, right? but please, i need you to
stay, this earth is too deadly and their promises are too vague, you’ll be fine, we’ll be fine
but words can’t say, pray you’re not drowning in pain, god take me instead.
why does it always come back to this?
don’t hurt them, don’t choose my friends, us humans are
hateful and we ruin everything but mother nature i don’t see the logic;
explain but please keep them alive so i can be sane— my brain goes places
it should sit still, i can’t bear a vacancy where he used to be.
1am, bent over my phone, i know what’s at stake, i want to send you a message

"hey, are you okay?"

if you don’t tell me you’re alive in the next five minutes i might
slowly die because this isn’t okay, none of it is okay, but i just need you to be
breathing,
okay?
please.
god.

and i ask god because i know she’s the only one who can change this because it’s slowly killing me that for you—
i can’t do anything at all.