I should have told him I loved him

I should have told him I loved him, just a little sooner. I know I planned every word, the night before. Pacing my room in my prettiest dress, streamers in my red hair. He has always made me lose my breath, by simply living. The way he writes stories, simply makes me wish I was his muse. I wanted to tell him, I wanted to be his. But my fear took hold. Telling me, I am not enough for him. He would laugh, say we are just friends, that's all I ever will be. But now I regret, how when we stood close in the hallway and his green eyes looked into mine. I could have told him, I should have taken his hand in mine, held on tight. I have dreamed for years, of throwing his big black sweatshirt over my head, drowning in his smell. I should have pulled the strings, on his jacket, gently held his freckled face, and gazed into his endless eyes. But it's too late now, I let the moment pass by. Even after, my friends told me, they could see the tension, like ropes, holding his eyes on mine. I curse my fear, once again it ruined a maybe that could have been.