If I Leave

I know
that every day away
every step feels like
a knife
twisting deeper
in our hearts
each day I watch the rainfall
from a broken window
and wonder
how I am ever going to choose
to be away from you
because I see myself in three years
right beside you
in our sashes
and crying
because I'll miss you
but I'm so happy for us at the same 
time.
I see us in decades coming back together
and remembering
laughing
talking and eating cake
but if I leave now
I might miss a moment
or I might be too scared to return.
I don't want to go 
but what
if each step away means another second
of my dreams
but then again,
I built my dreams on you
like stretched scaffolding speeding towards a cloudy sky.
Please
I can't see myself without you
I can't be happy
without you in my life.
so promise me.
if I leave make me come 
back.