I'm ok now.

I never really had a life. Not truly. 
Not a life of my own.
I was always chasing after someone else.
My life wasn’t for me,
No.

I was just a background character.
An extra, if you will. 
Always the people pleaser, never the one pleased. 
Always the joker, never laughing.
There was nothing to laugh at. 

I don’t miss living.

I didn’t want to die.
I don’t want to live either.

I’m ok now.
I feel better.
I just float.
Float in the black nothingness.

I had a choice.
So, I’m ok now. 

I’m just here.
In the dark. 
No longer searching for anything.
No longer looking for somebody to help.
Just existing.

And I’m ok with that.

I’m ok now.

 

ilona.russell

VT

18 years old

More by ilona.russell

  • She Was

    She dreamed of someone who couldn’t quite be placed.
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    Someone she’d never seen before. 
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